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SYLVIE AND BRUNO
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SYLVIE AND BRUNO
Budapest! Kir. r ?rnany tud.e, .a
P«:c.rsc
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BY
LEWIS CARROLL
WITH FORTY-SIX ILLUSTRATIONS
BY
HARRY FURNISS
PRICE THREE HALF-CROWNS
MACMILLAN AND CO.
AND NEW YORK 1889
The Right of Translation and Reproduction is Reserved
RICHARD CLAY AND SONS, LIMITED, LONDON AND BUNGAY.
$s all out Uife, tfjen, &ttt a &ream faintlg in tfje gotten gleam
trarfe resistless stream?
to tje eartfj totti) titter boe, Or laugfjing at some raree^sjob, flutter ttilj) to anti fro.
iilan's little Bag in fjaste be spent), t from its merrg noontide, sentr glanee to meet tje silent entJ.
PREFACE.
ONE little picture in this book, the Magic Locket, at p. 77, was drawn by * Miss Alice Havers.5 I did not state this on the title-page, since it seemed only due, to the artist of all these (to my mind) 'wonderful pictures, that his name should stand there alone.
The descriptions, at pp. 386, 387, of Sunday as spent by children of the last generation, are quoted verbatim from a speech made to me by a child-friend and a letter written to me by a lady-friend.
The Chapters, headed ' Fairy Sylvie ' and ' Bruno's Revenge,' are a reprint, with a few alterations, of a little fairy-tale which I wrote in the year 1867, at the request of the late Mrs. Gatty, for ' Aunt Judy's Magazine/ which she was then editing.
It was in 1874, I believe, that the idea first occurred to me of making it the nucleus of a longer story. As the years went on, I jotted down, at odd moments, all sorts of odd ideas, and fragments of dialogue, that occurred to me- -who knows how ? with a tran- sitory suddenness that left me no choice but either to record them then and there, or to abandon them to oblivion. Sometimes one could trace to their
b
x PREFACE.
source these random flashes of thought as being
suggested by the book one was reading, or struck out from the 'flint ' of one's own mind by the ' steel ' of a friend's chance remark- -but they had also a way of their own, of occurring, a propos of nothing
—specimens of that hopelessly illogical phenomenon, ' an effect without a cause.' Such, for example, was the last line of ' The Hunting of the Snark,' which came into my head (as I have already related in 'The Theatre' for April, 1887) quite suddenly, during a solitary walk : and such, again, have been passages which occurred in dreams ', and \vhich I cannot trace to any antecedent cause whatever. There are at least tiuo instances of such dream-suggestions in
this book one, my Lady's remark, ' it often runs
in families, just as a love for pastry does ', at p. 88 ; the other, Eric Linden's badinage about having been in domestic service, at p. 332.
And thus it came to pass that I found myself at last in possession of a huge unwieldy mass of littera- ture- -if the reader will kindly excuse the spelling
which only needed stringing together, upon the
thread of a consecutive story, to constitute the book I hoped to write. Only ! The task, at first, seemed absolutely hopeless, and gave me a far clearer idea, than I ever had before, of the meaning of the word 4 chaos ' : and I think it must have been ten years, or more, before I had succeeded in classifying these odds-and-ends sufficiently to see what sort of a story they indicated : for the story had to grow out of the incidents, not the incidents out of the story.
PREFACE. xi
I am telling all this, in no spirit of egoism, but because I really believe that some of my readers will be interested in these details of the ' genesis ' of a
o
book, which looks so simple and straight-forward a matter, when completed, that they might suppose it to have been written straight off, page by page, as one would write a letter, beginning at the begin- ning and ending at the end.
It is, no doubt, possible to write a story in that way : and, if it be not vanity to say so, I believe
that I could, myself, if I were in the unfortunate
position (for I do hold it to be a real misfortune) of being obliged to produce a given amount of fiction
in a given time, that I could ' fulfil my task,' and
produce my ' tale of bricks,' as other slaves have done. One thing, at any rate, I could guarantee as
to the story so produced that it should be utterly
commonplace, should contain no new ideas whatever, and should be very very weary reading !
This species of literature has received the very appropriate name of ' padding '- -which might fitly be defined as * that which all can write and none can read.' That the present volume contains no such writing I dare not avow : sometimes, in order to bring a picture into its proper place, it has been necessary to eke out a page with two or three extra lines : but I can honestly say I have put in no more than I was absolutely compelled to do.
My readers may perhaps like to amuse themselves by trying to detect, in a given passage, the one piece of 'padding' it contains. While arranging the 'slips'
b 2
xii PREFACE.
into pages, I found that the passage, which now ex- tends from the top of p. 35 to the middle of p. 38, was 3 lines too short. I supplied the deficiency, not by interpolating a word here and a word there, but by writing in 3 consecutive lines. Now can my readers guess ivliicli they are ?
A harder puzzle if a harder be desired- -would
be to determine, as to the Gardener's Song, in which cases (if any) the stanza was adapted to the surround- ing text, and in ivhich (if any) the text was adapted to the stanza.
Perhaps the hardest thing in all literature at
least / have found it so : by no voluntary effort can
I accomplish it : I have to take it as it comes is
to write anything original. And perhaps the easiest is, when once an original line has been struck out, to follow it up, and to write any amount more to the same tune. I do not know if ( Alice in Wonderland ' was an original story- -I was, at least, no conscious
imitator in writing it but I do know that, since it
came out, something like a dozen story-books have appeared, on identically the same pattern. The path I timidly explored- -believing myself to be ' the first that ever burst into that silent sea '- -is now a beaten high-road : all the way-side flowers have long ago been trampled into the dust : and it would be court- ing disaster for me to attempt that style again.
Hence it is that, in * Sylvie and Bruno,' 1 have
striven with I know not what success to strike
out yet another new path : be it bad or good, it is
PREFACE. xiii
the best I can do. It is written, not for money, and not for fame, but in the hope of supplying, for the children whom I love, some thoughts that may suit those hours of innocent merriment which are the very life of Childhood ; and also in the hope of suggest- ing, to them and to others, some thoughts that may prove, I would fain hope, not wholly out of harmony with the graver cadences of Life.
If I have not already exhausted the patience of
my readers, I would like to seize this opportunity
perhaps the last I shall have of addressing so many
friends at once of putting on record some ideas
that have occurred to me, as to books desirable to
be written which I should much like to attempt,
but may not ever have the time or power to carry
through in the hope that, if / should fail (and the
years are gliding away very fast) to finish the task I have set myself, other hands may take it up.
First, a Child's Bible. The only real essentials of this would be, carefully selected passages, suitable for a child's reading, and pictures. One principle of selec- tion, which I would adopt, would be that Religion should be put before a child as a revelation of love
no need to pain and puzzle the young mind with
the history of crime and punishment. (On such a principle I should, for example, omit the history of the Flood.) The supplying of the pictures would involve no great difficulty : no new ones would be needed : hundreds of excellent pictures already exist,
xiv PREFACE.
the copyright of which has long ago expired, and which simply need photo-zincography, or some similar process, for their successful reproduction. The book should be handy in size with a pretty attractive- looking cover in a clear legible type and, above
all, with abundance of pictures, pictures, pictures !
Secondly, a book of pieces selected from the Bible -not single texts, but passages of from 10 to 20
verses each to be committed to memory. Such
passages would be found useful, to repeat to one's- self and to ponder over, on many occasions when reading is difficult, if not impossible : for instance,
when lying awake at night on a railway-journey
when taking a solitary walk in old age, when
eye-sight is failing or wholly lost and, best of all,
when illness, while incapacitating us for reading or any other occupation, condemns us to lie awake through many weary silent hours : at such a time how keenly one may realise the truth of David's rapturous cry ' O how szveet are thy words unto my throat : yea, sweeter than honey unto my mouth ! '
I have said ' passages,' rather than single texts, because we have no means of recalling single texts : memory needs links, and here are none : one may have a hundred texts stored in the memory, and not
be able to recall, at will, more than half-a-dozen
and those by mere chance : whereas, once get hold of any portion of a chapter that has been committed to memory, and the whole can be recovered : all hangs together.
PREFACE. xv
Thirdly, a collection of passages, both prose and verse, from books other than the Bible. There is not perhaps much, in what is called c un-inspired ' litera- ture ( a misnomer, I hold : if Shakespeare was not inspired, one may well doubt if any man ever was), that will bear the process of being pondered over, a
hundred times : still there are such passages enough,
I think, to make a goodly store for the memory.
These two books of sacred, and secular, passages
for memory will serve other good purposes besides
merely occupying vacant hours : they will help to keep at bay many anxious thoughts, worrying thoughts, uncharitable thoughts, unholy thoughts. Let me say this, in better words than my own, by copying a passage from that most interesting book, Robertson's Lectures on the Epistles to the Corinthians, Lecture XLIX. " If a man finds himself haunted by evil desires and unholy images, which will generally be at periodical hours, let him commit to memory passages of Scripture, or passages from the best writers in verse or prose. Let him store his mind with these, as safe- guards to repeat when he lies awake in some restless night, or when despairing imaginations, or gloomy, suicidal thoughts, beset him. Let these be to him the sword, turning everywhere to keep the way of the Garden of Life from the intrusion of profaner footsteps."
Fourthly, a " Shakespeare " for girls : that is, an edition in which everything, not suitable for the perusal of girls of (say) from 10 to 17, should be omitted, Few
xvi PREFACE.
children under 10 would be likely to understand or enjoy the greatest of poets : and those, who have passed out of girlhood, may safely be left to read Shakespeare, in any edition, ' expurgated ' or not, that they may prefer : but it seems a pity that so many children, in the intermediate stage, should be debarred from a great pleasure for want of an edition suitable to them. Neither Bowdler's, Chambers's, Brandram's, nor Cundell's 'Boudoir' Shakespeare, seems to me to meet the want : they are not sufficiently ' expurgated/ Bowdler's is the most extraordinary of all : looking through it, I am filled with a deep sense of wonder, considering what he has left in, that he should have cut anything out ! Besides relentlessly erasing all that is unsuitable on the score of reverence or decency, I should be inclined to omit also all that seems too difficult, or not likely to interest young readers. The resulting book might be slightly fragmentary : but it would be a real treasure to all British maidens who have any taste for poetry.
If it be needful to apologize to any one for the new departure I have taken in this story- -by intro- ducing, along with what will, I hope, prove to be acceptable nonsense for children, some of the graver
thoughts of human life it must be to one who
has learned the Art of keeping such thoughts wholly at a distance in hours of mirth and careless ease. To him such a mixture will seem, no doubt, ill-judged and repulsive. And that such an Art exists I do not dispute : with youth, good health, and sufficient money,
PREFACE. xvii
it seems quite possible to lead, for years together, a
life of unmixed gaiety with the exception of one
solemn fact, with which we are liable to be confronted at any moment, even in the midst of the most brilliant company or the most sparkling entertainment. A man may fix his own times for admitting serious thought, for attending public worship, for prayer, for reading the Bible : all such matters he can defer to
o
that ' convenient season ', which is so apt never to occur at all : but he cannot defer, for one single moment, the necessity of attending to a message, which may come before he has finished reading this page, * this nig/it sJiall thy soul be required of tkee!
The ever-present sense of this grim possibility has been, in all ages,1 an incubus that men have striven to shake off. Few more interesting subjects of en- quiry could be found, by a student of history, than the various weapons that have been used against this shadowy foe. Saddest of all must have been the thoughts of those who saw indeed an existence beyond the grave, but an existence far more terrible than
annihilation an existence as filmy, impalpable, all
but invisible spectres, drifting about, through endless ages, in a world of shadows, with nothing to do, nothing to hope for, nothing to love ! In the midst of the gay verses of that genial ' bon vivant ' Horace, there stands one dreary word whose utter sadness goes to
1 At the moment, when I had written these words, there was a knock at the door, and a telegram was brought me, announcing the sudden death of a dear friend.
XVI 11
PREFACE.
one's heart. It is the word ' exilium ' in the well- known passage
Omnes eodem cogimur, omnium Versatur urnd serins ocms Sors exitura et nos in czternum Exilium impositura cymbce.
Yes, to him this present life spite of all its
weariness and all its sorrow was the only life worth
having : all else was ' exile ' ! Does it not seem almost incredible that one, holding such a creed, should ever have smiled ?
And many in this day, I fear, even though believing in an existence beyond the grave far more real than Horace ever dreamed of, yet regard it as a sort of ' exile ' from all the joys of life, and so adopt Horace's theory, and say ' let us eat and drink, for to-morrow we die.'
We go to entertainments, such as the theatre- -I say ' we ', for / also go to the play, whenever I get a
chance of seeing a really good one and keep at arm's
length, if possible, the thought that we may not return alive. Yet how do you know- -dear friend, whose patience has carried you through this garrulous preface
-that it may not be your lot, when mirth is fastest and most furious, to feel the sharp pang, or the deadly
faintness, which heralds the final crisis to see, with
vague wonder, anxious friends bending over you —
to hear their troubled whispers perhaps yourself to
shape the question, with trembling lips, " Is it
PREFACE. xix
serious?", and to be told "Yes: the end is near" (and oh, how different all Life will look when those
words are said !) how do you know, I say, that all
this may not happen to yon, this night ?
And dare you, knowing this, say to yourself " Well, perhaps it is an immoral play : perhaps the situations are a little too ' risky', the dialogue a little too strong, the * business ' a little too suggestive. I don't say that conscience is quite easy : but the piece is so clever, I must see it this once ! I'll begin a stricter life to-morrow. " To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to- morrow !
u
Who sins in hope, who, sinning, says, ( Sorrow for sin God's judgement stays ! ' Against God's Spirit he lies ; quite stops Mercy with insult ; dares, and drops, Like a scorcJi dfly, that spins in vain Upon the axis of its pain, Then takes its doom, to limp and crawl. Blind arid forgot, from fall to fair.'
Let me pause for a moment to say that I believe
this thought, of the possibility of death if calmly
realised, and steadily faced would be one of the
best possible tests as to our going to any scene of amusement being right or wrong. If the thought of sudden death acquires, for you^ a special horror when imagined as happening in a theatre, then be very sure the theatre is harmful for you, however harmless it may be for others ; and that you are
xx PREFACE.
incurring a deadly peril in going. Be sure the safest rule is that we should not dare to live in any scene in which we dare not die.
But, once realise what the true object is in life
that it is not pleasure, not knowledge, not even fame
itself, 'that last infirmity of noble minds' but
that it is the development of character^ the rising to a higher, nobler, purer standard, the building-up of
the perfect Man and then, so long as we feel that
this is going on, and will (we trust) go on for ever- more, death has for us no terror ; it is not a shadow, but a light ; not an end, but a beginning !
One other matter may perhaps seem to call for
apology that I should have treated with such
entire want of sympathy the British passion for * Sport ', which no doubt has been in by-gone days, and is still, in some forms of it, an excellent school for hardihood and for coolness in moments of danger. But I am not entirely without sympathy for genuine ' Sport ' : I can heartily admire the courage of the man who, with severe bodily toil, and at the risk of his life, hunts down some * man-eating ' tiger : and I can heartily sympathize with him when he exults in the glorious excitement of the chase and the hand-to- hand struggle with the monster brought to bay. But I can but look with deep wonder and sorrow on the hunter who, at his ease and in safety, can find plea- sure in what involves, for some defenceless creature, wild terror and a death of agony : deeper, if the hunter be one who has pledged himself to preach
PREFACE. xxi
to men the Religion of universal Love : deepest
of all, if it be one of those ' tender and delicate*
beings, whose very name serves as a symbol of Love
— ' tJiy love to me was wonderful, passing the love of
women ' whose mission here is surely to help and
comfort all that are in pain or sorrow !
' Farewell, farewell ! but this I tell To tJiee, tJiou Wedding-Guest ! He prayeth well, who loveth well Both man and bird and beast.
He prayeth best, wJio loveth best All things both great and small ;
For the dear God who loveth us, He made and loveth all. '
CONTENTS.
CHAPTER PAGE
I. LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! I
ii. L'AMIE INCONNUE 16
III. BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS 29
IV. A CUNNING CONSPIRACY 43
v. A BEGGAR'S PALACE 56
VI. THE MAGIC LOCKET 73
vii. THE BARON'S EMBASSY 87
VIII. A RIDE ON A LION IOO
IX. A JESTER AND A BEAR 113
X. THE OTHER PROFESSOR 129
XI. PETER AND PAUL 143
XII. A MUSICAL GARDENER 156
CONTENTS. xxiii
CHAPTER 1>AGE
XIII. A VISIT TO DOGLAND 171
XIV. FAIRY-SYLVIE 187
xv. BRUNO'S REVENGE 207
XVI. A CHANGED CROCODILE 222
XVII. THE THREE BADGERS 234
XVIII. QUEER STREET, NUMBER FORTY 255
XIX. HOW TO MAKE A PHLIZZ 271
XX. LIGHT COME, LIGHT GO 287
XXI. THROUGH THE IVORY DOOR 304
XXII. CROSSING THE LINE 325
XXIII. AN OUTLANDISH WATCH 345
xxiv. THE FROGS' BIRTHDAY-TREAT 361
XXV. LOOKING EASTWARD 3 83
INDEX 396
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
CHAPTER I.
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES !
-and then all the people cheered again, and one man, who was more excited than the rest, flung his hat high into the air, and shouted (as w~ell as I could make out) "Who roar for the Sub-Warden ? ' Everybody roared, but whether it was for the Sub-Warden, or not, did not clearly appear : some were shouting " Bread ! ' and some " Taxes ! ", but no one seemed to know what it was they really wanted. s All this I saw from the open window of the WTarden's breakfast-saloon, looking across the shoulder of the Lord Chancellor, who had £ B
2 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
sprung to his feet the moment the shouting began, almost as if he had been expecting it, and had rushed to the window which com- manded the best view of the market-place.
" What can it all mean ? ' he kept repeating to himself, as, with his hands clasped behind him, and his gown floating in the air, he paced rapidly up and down the room. " I never heard such shouting before- -and at this time of the morning, too! And with such unanimity! Doesn't it strike you as very remarkable ?'
I represented, modestly, that to my ears it appeared that they were shouting for different things, but the Chancellor wrould not listen to
O '
my suggestion for a moment. " They all shout the same words, I assure you!" he said : then, leaning well out of the window, he whispered to a man who was standing close underneath, " Keep 'em together, ca'n't you ? The Warden will be here directly. Give 'em the signal for the march up ! ' All this was evidently not meant for my ears, but I could scarcely help hearing it, considering that my chin was almost on the Chancellor's shoulder.
The ' march up ' was a very curious sight :
I]
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES !
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a straggling procession of men, marching two and two, began from the other side of the Market-place, and advanced in an irregular zig-zag fashion towards the Palace, wildly tack- ing from side to side, like a sailing vessel
making way against an unfavourable wind
B 2
4 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
so that the head of the procession was often further from us at the end of one tack than it had been at the end of the previous one.
Yet it was evident that all was being done under orders, for I noticed that all eyes were fixed on the man who stood just under the window, and to whom the Chancellor was con- tinually whispering. This man held his hat in one hand and a little ereen flaor in the other :
o o
whenever he waved the flag the procession advanced a little nearer, when he dipped it they sidled a little farther off, and whenever he waved his hat they all raised a hoarse cheer. " Hoo-roah ! '' they cried, carefully keeping time with the hat as it bobbed up and down. " Hoo-roah ! Noo ! Consti ! Tooshun ! Less ! Bread ! More ! Taxes ! '
"That'll do, that'll do!" the Chancellor whispered. " Let 'em rest a bit till I give you the word. He's not here yet ! ' But at this moment the great folding-doors of the saloon were flung open, and he turned with a guilty start to receive His High Excellency. How- ever it was only Bruno, and the Chancellor gave a little gasp of relieved anxiety.
i] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 5
" Morning ! ' said the little fellow, address-
o *
ing the remark, in a general sort of way, to the Chancellor and the waiters. " Doos oo know where Sylvie is? Fs looking for Sylvie ! '
" She's with the Warden, I believe, y'reince ! ' the Chancellor replied with a low bow. There was, no doubt, a certain amount of absurdity in applying this title (which, as of course you see without my telling you, was nothing but ' your Royal Highness' condensed into one syllable) to a small creature whose father was merely the Warden of Outland : still, large excuse must be made for a man who had passed several years at the Court of Fairyland, and had there acquired the almost impossible art of pro- nouncing five syllables as one.
But the bow was lost upon Bruno, who had run out of the room, even while the great feat of The Unpronounceable Monosyllable was being triumphantly performed.
Just then, a single voice in the distance was understood to shout " A speech from the Chan- cellor ! ' " Certainly, my friends ! ' the Chan- cellor replied with extraordinary promptitude. " You shall have a speech ! ' Here one of the
6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
waiters, who had been for some minutes busy making a queer-looking mixture of egg and sherry, respectfully presented it on a large silver salver. The Chancellor took it haughtily, drank it off thoughtfully, smiled benevolently on the happy waiter as he set down the empty glass, and began. To the best of my recollec- tion this is what he said.
"Ahem! Ahem! Ahem! Fellow-sufferers, or rather suffering fellows- (" Don't call 'em
names ! ' muttered the man under the win- dow. "I didn't say felons/* the Chancellor explained.) " You may be sure that I always sympa- ("'Ear, 'ear!" shouted the crowd,
so loudly as quite to drown the orator's thin
squeaky voice) "- -that I always sympa
,he repeated. (" Don't simper quite so much ! ' said the man under the window. " It makes yer look a hidiot ! ' And, all this time, " 'Ear, 'ear ! ' went rumbling round the market-place, like a peal of thunder.) " That I always sym- pathise ! ' yelled the Chancellor, the first mo- ment there was silence. " But your true friend is the Sub- Warden / Day and night he is brooding on your wrongs 1 should say your
I] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 7
rights that is to say your wrongs no, I
mean your rights ; (" Don't talk no more ! '
growled the man under the window. "You're
o
making a mess of it ! '') At this moment the Sub- Warden entered the saloon. He was a thin man, with a mean and crafty face, and a greenish-yellow complexion ; and he crossed the room very slowly, looking suspiciously about him as if he thought there might be a savage
o o t>
dog hidden somewhere. " Bravo ! ' he cried, patting the Chancellor on the back. " You did that speech very well indeed. Why, you're a born orator, man ! '
" Oh, that's nothing ! " the Chancellor replied, modestly, with downcast eyes, " Most orators are born, you know."
The Sub-Warden thoughtfully rubbed his chin. a Why, so they are ! ' he admitted. " I never considered it in that light. Still, you cyid it very well. A word in your ear ! '
The rest of their conversation was all in whispers : so, as I could hear no more, I thought I would go and find Bruno.
I found the little fellow standing in the passage, and being addressed by one of the
8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
men in livery, who stood before him, nearly bent double from extreme respectfulness, with his hands hanging in front of him like the fins of a fish. " His High Excellency," this re- spectful man was saying, "is in his Study, y 'reince ! ' (He didn't pronounce this quite so well as the Chancellor.) Thither Bruno trotted, and I thought it well to follow him.
The Warden, a tall dignified man with a grave but very pleasant face, was seated before a writing-table, which was covered with papers, and holding on his knee one of the sweetest and loveliest little maidens it has ever been my lot to see. She looked four or five years older than Bruno, but she had the same rosy cheeks and sparkling eyes, and the same wealth of curly brown hair. Her eager smiling face was turned upwards towards her father's, and it was a pretty sight to see the mutual love with
which the two faces one in the Spring of
Life, the other in its late Autumn were
gazing on each other.
" No, you've never seen him," the old man was saying : "you couldn't, you know, he's been away so long- -traveling from land to
i] LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES ! 9
land, and seeking for health, more years than you've been alive, little Sylvie ! '
Here Bruno climbed upon his other knee, and a good deal of kissing, on a rather complicated system, was the result.
" He only came back last night," said the Warden, when the kissing was over : " he's been traveling post-haste, for the last thousand miles or so, in order to be here on Sylvie's birthday, But he's a very early riser, and I dare say he's in the Library already. Come with me and see him. He's always kind to children. You'll be sure to like him."
" Has the Other Professor come too ? ' Bruno asked in an awe-struck voice.
" Yes, they arrived together. The Other
Professor is well, you won't like him quite
so much, perhaps. He's a little more dreamy, you know."
f" I wiss Sylvie was a little more dreamy," said Bruno.
" What do you mean, Bruno ? ' said Sylvie.
Bruno went on addressing1 his father. ""She
o
says she cant, oo know. But I thinks it isn't
i 1 1 • ' i 1 1 » ca n /, it s wo n t.
io SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Says she cant dream ! the puzzled Warden repeated.
"She do say it," Bruno persisted. "When I says to her ' Let's stop lessons ! ', she says ' Oh, I ca'n't dream of letting oo stop yet ! '
" He always wants to stop lessons," Sylvie explained, " five minutes after we begin ! '
" Five minutes' lessons a day ! ' said the Warden. " You won't learn much at that rate, little man ! '
" That's just what Sylvie says," Bruno re- joined. " She says I wont learn my lessons. And I tells her, over and over, I cant learn
!em. And what doos oo think she says ? She
< i . * ' > '/ *,' > ' ^ / > " says It isn t cant, it s wo n t !
" Let's go and see the Professor," the Waraen
o
said, wisely avoiding further discussion. The children got down off his knees, each secured a hand, and the happy trio set off for the
Library followed by me. I had come to the
conclusion by this time that none of the party (except, for a few moments, the Lord Chan- cellor) was in the least able to see me.
" What's the matter with him ? ' Sylvie asked, walking with a little extra sedateness, by way
I]
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES !
ii
of example to Bruno at the other side, who never ceased jumping up and down.
What was the matter but I hope he's all
right now was lumbago, and rheumatism, and
that kind of thing. He's been curing himself, you know : he's a very learned doctor. Why, he's actually invented three new diseases, be- sides a new way of breaking your collar-bone ! '
12 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Is it a nice way ? ' said Bruno.
" Well, hum, not very" the Warden said, as we entered the Library. " And here is the Professor. Good morning, Professor ! Hope you're quite rested after your journey ! '
A jolly-looking, fat little man, in a flowery dressing-gown, with a large book under each arm, came trotting in at the other end of the room, and was going straight across without taking any notice of the children. " I'm look- ing for Vol. Three," he said. " Do you happen to have seen it ? '
" You don't see my children, Professor ! ' the Warden exclaimed, taking him by the shoulders and turning him round to face them.
The Professor laughed violently : then he gazed at them through his great spectacles, for a minute or two, without speaking.
At last he addressed Bruno. " I hope you have had a good night, my child ? '
Bruno looked puzzled. " I's had the same night od ve had," he replied. " There's only- been one night since yesterday ! '
It was the Professor's turn to look puzzled now. He took off his spectacles, and rubbed
i] LESS BREAD! MORE TAXES! 13
them with his handkerchief. Then he gazed at them a^ain. Then he turned to the Warden.
C5
" Are they bound ? ' he enquired.
" No, we aren't," said Bruno, who thought himself quite able to answer this question.
The Professor shook his head sadly. " Not even half-bound ? '
" Why would we be half-bound ? " said Bruno. "' We're not prisoners ! '
But the Professor had forgotten all about them by this time, and was speaking to the Warden again. " You'll be glad to hear," he was saying, " that the Barometer's beginning to move '
" Well, which way ? ' said the Warden — adding, to the children, " Not that / care, you know. Only he thinks it affects the weather. He's a wonderfully clever man, you know. Sometimes he says things that only the Other Professor can understand. Sometimes he says things that nobody can understand ! Which way is it, Professor ? Up or down ? '
" Neither ! ' said the Professor, gently clap- ping his hands. " It's going sideways if I
may so express myself."
14 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" And what kind of weather does tJiat pro- duce ?' said the Warden. "Listen, children! NOWT you'll hear something worth knowing- I '
J O O
" Horizontal weather," said the Professor, and made straight for the door, very nearly trampling on Bruno, who had only just time to get out of his way.
" Isrit he learned ? ' the Warden said, look- ing after him with admiring eves. " Positively
O O J J
he runs over with learning ! '
" But he needn't run over me /' said Bruno.
The Professor was back in a moment : he had changed his dressing-gown for a frock-coat, and had put on a pair of very strange-looking boots, the tops of which were open umbrellas. " I thought you'd like to see them," he said. " These are the boots for horizontal weather ! '
" But what's the use of wearing umbrellas round one's knees ? '
" In ordinary rain," the Professor admitted, " they would not be of much use. But if ever it rained horizontally, you know, they would be invaluable simply invaluable ! '
" Take the Professor to the breakfast-saloon, children," said the Warden. "And tell them
LESS BREAD ! MORE TAXES !
not to wait for me. I had breakfast early, as I've some business to attend to." The children seized the Professor's hands, as familiarly as if they had known him for years, and hurried him away. I followed respectfully behind.
CHAPTER II.
L'AMIE INCONNUE.
As we entered the breakfast-saloon, the Pro- fessor was saying " - -and he had breakfast by himself, early : so he begged you wouldn't wait for him, my Lady. This way, my Lady," he added, " this way ! ' And then, with (as it seemed to me) most superfluous politeness, he flung open the door of my compartment, and ushered in "- -a young and lovely lady !' I muttered to myself with some bitterness. "And this is, of course, the opening scene of Vol. I. She is the Heroine. And / am one of those subordinate characters that only turn up when
II] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 17
needed for the development of her destiny, and whose final appearance is outside the church, waiting to greet the Happy Pair!'
" Yes, my Lady, change at Fayfield," were the next words I heard (oh that too obsequious Guard !), "next station but one." And the door closed, and the lady settled down into her corner, and the monotonous throb of the engine (making one feel as if the train were some gigantic monster, whose very circulation we could feel) proclaimed that we were once more speeding on our way. " The lady had a per- fectly formed nose," I caught myself saying to
myself, " hazel eyes, and lips " and here it
occurred to me that to see, for myself, what " the lady ' was really like, would be more satisfactory than much speculation. ' I looked round cautiously, and was en- tirely disappointed of my hope. The veil, which shrouded her whole face, was too thick for me to see more than the glitter of bright
o o
eyes and the hazy outline of what might be a lovely oval face, but might also, unfortunately, be an equally unlovely one. I closed my eyes
again, saying to myself " couldn't have a
c
i8 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
better chance for an experiment in Telepathy ! I'll think out her face, and afterwards test the portrait with the original."
At first, no result at all crowned my efforts, though I ' divided my swift mind,' now hither, now thither, in a way that I felt sure would have made y^Eneas green with envy : but the dimly-seen oval remained as provokingly blank as ever — a mere Ellipse, as if in some mathe- matical diagram, without even the Foci that might be made to do duty as a nose and a mouth. Gradually, however, the conviction came upon me that I could, by a certain con- centration of thought, think the veil away, and
so get a glimpse of the mysterious face as
to which the two questions, " is she pretty?' and " is she plain ? ", still hung suspended, in my mind, in beautiful equipoise.
Success was partial and fitful- -still there
was a result : ever and anon, the veil seemed to vanish, in a sudden flash of light : but,
O '
before I could fully realise the face, all was dark again. In each such glimpse, the face seemed to grow more childish and more inno- cent : and, when I had at last thought the veil
ii] L'AMIE INCONNUE 19
entirely away, it was, unmistakeably, the sweet face of little Sylvie !
" So, either I've been dreaming about Sylvie," I said to myself, "and this is the reality. Or else I've really been with Sylvie, and this is a dream ! Is Life itself a dream, I wonder ?'
To occupy the time, I got out the letter, which had caused me to take this sudden rail- way-journey from my London home down to a strange fishing-town on the North coast, and
o o
read it over again :-
" DEAR OLD FRIEND,
" Pm siire it will be as great a pleasure to me, as it can possibly be to you, to meet once more after so many years : and of course I shall be ready to give you all the benefit of suck medical skill as I have : only, you know, one mustnt violate professional etiquette ! And yo^l are already in the hands of a first-rate London doctor, with whom it would be utter affectation for me to pretend to compete. (I make no doiibt he is right in saying the heart is affected : all your symptoms point that way.] One thing, at any rate, I have already done in
C 2
20 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
my doctorial capacity secured you a bedroom
011 the ground-floor, so that you will not need to ascend the stairs at all.
" I shall expect you by last train on Friday, in accordance with your letter ; and, till then, I shall say, in the words of the old song, ' Oh for Friday nicht / Friday s lang a-coming ! '
" Yours always,
" AR THUR FORES TER.
" P.S. Do you believe in Fate ?
This Postscript puzzled me sorely. " He is far too sensible a man," I thought, " to have become a Fatalist. And yet what else can he mean by it ? ' And, as I folded up the letter and put it away, I inadvertently repeated the words aloud. " Do you believe in Fate ?'
The fair * Incognita' turned her head quickly at the sudden question. " No, I don't!' she said with a smile. " Do you ? '
" I- -I didn't mean to ask the question ! ' I stammered, a little taken aback at having be^un
o o
a conversation in so unconventional a fashion.
The lady's smile became a laugh not a
mocking laugh, but the laugh of a happy child
n] L'AMIE INCONNUF. 21
who is perfectly at her ease. " Didn't you ? ' she said. " Then it was a case of what you Doctors call ' unconscious cerebration ' ? '
" I am no Doctor," I replied. " Do I look so like one ? Or what makes you think it ? '
She pointed to the book I had been reading, which was so lying that its title, " Diseases of the Heart," was plainly visible.
"One needn't be a Doctor" I said, "to take an interest in medical books. There's another class of readers, who are yet more deeply interested
"You mean the Patients ?" she interrupted, while a look of tender pity gave new sweetness to her face. " But," with an evident wish to avoid a possibly painful topic, "one needn't be either, to take an interest in books of Science. Which contain the greatest amount of Science, do you think, the books, or the minds ? '
" Rather a profound question for a lady ! ' I said to myself, holding, with the conceit so natural to Man, that Woman's intellect is es- sentially shallow. And I considered a minute before replying. "If you mean living minds, I don't think it's possible to decide. There is
22 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
so much written Science that no living person has ever read : and there is so much thought- out Science that hasn't yet been written. But, if you mean the whole human race, then I think the minds have it : everything, recorded in books, must have once been in some mind, you know."
" Isn't that rather like one of the Rules in Algebra?" my Lady enquired. ^Algebra too ! " I thought with increasing wonder.) " I mean, if we consider thoughts as factors, may we not say that the Least Common Multiple of all the minds contains that of all the books ; but not the other way ? '
''Certainly we may!' I replied, delighted with the illustration. " And what a grand thing it would be," I went on dreamily, think- ing aloud rather than talking, " if we could only apply that Rule to books ! You know, in finding the Least Common Multiple, we strike out a quantity wherever it occurs, except in the term where it is raised to its highest power. So we should have to erase every recorded thought, except in the sentence where it is expressed with the greatest intensity."
n] L'AMIE 1NCONNUE. 23
My Lady laughed merrily. "Some books would be reduced to blank paper, I'm afraid ! ' she said.
" They would. Most libraries would be terribly diminished in biilk. But just think what they would gain in quality /'
"When will it be done ?' she eagerly asked. "If there's any chance of it in my time, I think I'll leave off reading, and wait for it ! '
"Well, perhaps in another thousand years
or so "
" Then there's no use waiting ! ' said my Lady. " Let's sit down. Uggug, my pet, come and sit by me ! '
" Anywhere but by me ! ' growled the Sub- Warden. " The little wretch always manages to upset his coffee ! '
I guessed at once (as perhaps the reader will also have guessed, if, like myself, he is very clever at drawing conclusions) that my Lady was the Sub-Warden's wife, and that Uggug (a hideous fat boy, about the same age as Sylvie, with the expression of a prize-pig) was their son. Sylvie and Bruno, with the Lord Chancellor, made up a party of seven.
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
n] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 25
" And you actually got a plunge-bath every morning ? said the Sub-Warden, seemingly in continuation of a conversation with the Pro- fessor. " Even at the little roadside-inns ?'
" Oh, certainly, certainly ! the Professor replied with a smile on his jolly face. " Allow me to explain. It is, in fact, a very simple problem in Hydrodynamics. (That means a combination of Water and Strength.) If we take a plunge-bath, and a man of great strength (such as myself) about to plunge into it, we have a perfect example of this science. I am bound to admit," the Professor continued, in a iower tone and with downcast eyes, ''that we need a man of remarkable strength. He must be able to spring from the floor to about twice his own height, gradually turning over as he rises, so as to come down again head first."
"Why, you need a flea, not a man /' ex- claimed the Sub-Warden.
" Pardon me," said the Professor. " This particular kind of bath is not adapted for a flea. Let us suppose," he continued, folding his table-napkin into a graceful festoon, " that this represents what is perhaps the necessity
26 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
of this Age- -the Active Tourist's Portable Bath. You may describe it briefly, if you like," looking at the Chancellor, " by the letters A. T. P. B."
The Chancellor, much disconcerted at finding everybody looking at him, could only murmur, in a shy whisper, " Precisely so ! '
" One great advantage of this plunge-bath," continued the Professor, " is that it requires only half-a-gallon of water-
" I don't call it a plunge-bath". His Sub- Excellency remarked, " unless your Active Tourist goes right 2/;zrtkr / '
*'•' But he does go right under," the old man gently replied. " The A. T. hangs up the P. B. on a nail tJms. He then empties the water- jug into it places the empty jug below the
bag leaps into the air descends head-first
into the bag the water rises round him to the
top of the bag and there you are ! ' he tri- umphantly concluded. " The A. T. is as much under water as if he'd gone a mile or two down into the Atlantic ! '
"And he's drowned, let us say, in about four minutes ;
n] L'AMIE INCONNUE. 27
" By no means ! ' the Professor answered with a proud smile. " After about a minute, he quietly turns a tap at the lower end of the
P. B. all the water runs back into the jug
and there you are again ! '
" But how in the world is he to get out of the bag again ? '
" That, I take it," said the Professor, " is the most beautiful part of the whole invention. All the way up the P.B., inside, are loops for the thumbs ; so it's something like going up-stairs, only perhaps less comfortable ; and, by the time the A. T. has risen out of the bag, all but his 'head, he's sure to topple over, one way or
the other the Law of Gravity secures that.
And there he is on the floor again ! '
" A little bruised, perhaps ? '
" Well, yes, a little bruised ; but having had his plunge-bath : that's the great thing."
"Wonderful! It's almost beyond belief!' murmured the Sub-Warden. The Professor took it as a compliment, and bowed with a gratified smile.
"Quite beyond belief!' my Lady added — meaning, no doubt, to be more complimentary
28 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
still. The Professor bowed, but he didn't smile this time.
u I can assure you," he said earnestly, " that, provided the bath was made, I used it every morning. I certainly ordered it- -that I am
clear about my only doubt is, whether the
man ever finished making it. It's difficult to
o
remember, after so many years-
At this moment the door, very slowly and creakingly, began to open, and Sylvie and Bruno jumped up, and ran to meet the well- known footstep.
CHAPTER III.
BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. X
" IT'S my brother ! ' the Sub- Warden ex- claimed, in a warning whisper. " Speak out, and be quick about it ! '
The appeal was evidently addressed to the Lord Chancellor, who instantly replied, in a shrill monotone, like a little boy repeating the alphabet, " As I was remarking, your Sub- Excellency, this portentous movement '
" You began too soon!' the other inter- rupted, scarcely able to restrain himself to a whisper, so great was his excitement. " He couldn't have heard you. Begin again ! '
3o SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" As I was remarking," chanted the obedient Lord Chancellor, " this portentous movement has already assumed the dimensions of a Revolution ! '
" And what are the dimensions of a Revolution ? ' The voice was genial and mellow, and the face of the tall dignified old man, who had just entered the room, leading Sylvie by the hand, and with Bruno riding triumphantly on his shoulder, was too noble and gentle to have scared a less guilty man : but the Lord Chancellor turned pale instantly, and could hardly articulate the words " The dimensions- -your- -your High Excellency ? I- -I- -scarcely comprehend ! '
"Well, the length, breadth, and thickness, if you like it better ! ' And the old man smiled, half-contemptuously.
The Lord Chancellor recovered himself with a great effort, and pointed to the open window. "If your High Excellency will listen for a moment to the shouts of the exasperated populace- (" of the exasperated popu-
lace ! ' the Sub-Warden repeated in a louder tone, as the Lord Chancellor, being in a state
in] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 31
of abject terror, had dropped almost into a
whisper) " you will understand what it is
they want."
And at that moment there surged into the
o
room a hoarse confused cry, in which the
only clearly audible words were " Less
bread More taxes !'; The old man laughed
heartily. " What in the world he was
beginning : but the Chancellor heard him not. " Some mistake ! ' he muttered, hurrying to the window, from which he shortly returned with an air of relief. " Now listen ! ' he exclaimed, holding up his hand impressively. And now the words came quite distinctly, and with the regularity of the ticking of a clock, " More bread Less taxes ! '
" More bread ! ? the Warden repeated in astonishment. "Why, the new Government Bakery was opened only last week, and I gave orders to sell the bread at cost-price during the present scarcity ! What can they expect more ? '
"The Bakery's closed, y'reince ! ' the Chancellor said, more loudly and clearly than he had spoken yet. He was emboldened by
32 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
the consciousness that here, at least, he had evidence to produce : and he placed in the Warden's hands a few printed notices, that were lying ready, with some open ledgers, on a side-table.
" Yes, yes, / see ! ' the Warden muttered, glancing carelessly through them. " Order countermanded by my brother, and supposed to be my doing ! Rather sharp practice ! It's all right ! ' he added in a louder tone. " My name is signed to it : so I take it on myself. But what do they mean by ' Less Taxes ' ? How can they be less ? I abolished the last of them a month ago ! '
" It's been put on again, y'reince, and by y'reince's own orders ! ", and other printed notices were submitted for inspection.
The Warden, whilst looking them over, glanced once or twice at the Sub-Warden, who had seated himself before one of the open ledgers, and was quite absorbed in adding it up ; but he merely repeated " It's all right. I accept it as my doing."
" And they do say," the Chancellor went on sheepishly looking much more like a con-
in] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 33
victed thief than an Officer of State, "that a change of Government, by the abolition of the Sub- Warden- -I mean," he hastily added, on seeing the Warden's look of astonishment, "the abolition of the office of Sub-Warden, and giving the present holder the right to act as KzVtf-Warden whenever the Warden is absent -would appease all this seedling discontent. I mean," he added, glancing at a paper he held in his hand, " all this seething discontent ! '
" For fifteen years," put in a deep but very harsh voice, " my husband has been acting as Sub- Warden. It is too long ! It is much too long ! ' My Lady wras a vast creature at all times : but, when she frowned and folded her arms, as now, she looked more gigantic than ever, and made one try to fancy w^hat a haystack would look like, if out of temper.
" He would distinguish himself as a Vice ! '
o
my Lady proceeded, being far too stupid to see the double meaning of her words. " There has been no such Vice in Outland for many a long year, as he would be !
"What course would you suggest, Sister? the Warden mildly enquired.
D
34 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
My Lady stamped, which was undignified : and snorted, which was ungraceful. " This is no jesting matter ! ". she bellowed.
" I will consult my brother," said the Warden. " Brother!"
-and seven makes a hundred and ninety-four, which is sixteen and twopence,'' the Sub-Warden replied. " Put down two and carry sixteen."
The Chancellor raised his hands and eye- brows, lost in admiration. " Such a man of business ! ' he murmured.
"' Brother, could I have a word with you in my Study ? ' the Warden said in a louder tone. The Sub- Warden rose with alacrity, and the two left the room together.
My Lady turned to the Professor, who had uncovered the urn, and was taking its
o
temperature with his pocket - thermometer. " Professor ! ' she began, so loudly and sud- denly that even Uggug, who had gone to sleep in his chair, left off snoring and opened one eye. The Professor pocketed his thermo- meter in a moment, clasped his hands, and put his head on one side with a meek smile.
m] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 35
" You were teaching my son before break- fast, I believe ? ' my Lady loftily remarked. •' I hope he strikes you as having talent ? '
11 Oh, very much so indeed, my Lady !' the Professor hastily replied, unconsciously rubbing his ear, while some painful recollection seemed to cross his mind. " I was very forcibly struck by His Magnificence, I assure you ! '
" He is a charming boy ! ' my Lady ex- claimed. " Even his snores are more musical than those of other boys ! '
If that were so, the Professor seemed to think, the snores of other boys must be something too awful to be endured : but he was a cautious man, and he said nothing.
"And he's so clever!' my Lady continued. "No one will enjoy your Lecture more- by the way, have you fixed the time for it yet ? You've never given one, you know :.and it was promised years ago, before you-
" Yes, yes, my Lady, / know ! Perhaps next Tuesday- -or Tuesday week-
" That will do very well," said my Lady, graciously. " Of course you will let the Other Professor lecture as well ? :
D 2
36 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" I think not, my Lady," the Professor said with some hesitation. "You see, he always stands with his back to the audience. It does tvery well for reciting ; but for lecturing-
" You are quite right," said my Lady. " And, now I come to think of it, there would hardly be time for more than one Lecture. And it will go off all the better, if we begin with a Banquet, and a Fancy-dress Ball-
" It will indeed ! ' the Professor cried, with enthusiasm.
" I shall come as a Grass-hopper," my Lady calmly proceeded. " What shall you come as, Professor ? '
The Professor smiled feebly. " I shall come as- -as early as I can, my Lady ! '
"You mustn't come in before the doors are opened," said my Lady.
" I ca'n't," said the Professor. " Excuse me a moment. As this is Lady Sylvie's birthday, I would like to- ' and he rushed away.
Bruno began feeling in his pockets, looking more and more melancholy as he did so : then he put his thumb in his mouth, and considered for a minute : then he quietly left the room.
ill] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 37
He had hardly done so before the Professor was back again, quite out of breath. lt Wishing you many happy returns of the day, my dear child ! ' he went on, addressing the smiling little girl, who had run to meet him. "Allow me to give you a birthday-present. It's a second-hand pincushion, my dear. And it only cost fourpence-halfpenny ! '
" Thank you, it's very pretty ! ' And Sylvie rewarded the old man with a hearty kiss.
"And the pins they gave me for nothing!' the Professor added in high glee. " Fifteen of 'em, and only one bent ! '
" I'll make the bent one into a hook T said Sylvie. " To catch Bruno with, when he runs away from his lessons ! '
"You ca'n't guess what my present is ! ' said Uggug, who had taken the butter-dish from the table, and was standing behind her, with a wicked leer on his face.
" No, I ca'n't guess," Sylvie said without looking up. She was still examining the Pro- fessor's pincushion.
" It's this /' cried the bad boy, exultingly, as he emptied the dish over her, and then, with
38 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
a grin of delight at his own cleverness, looked round for applause.
Sylvie coloured crimson, as she shook off the butter from her frock : but she kept her lips tight shut, and walked away to the window, where she stood looking out and trying to recover her temper.
Uggug's triumph was a very short one : the Sub-Warden had returned, just in time to be a witness of his dear child's playfulness, and in another moment a skilfully-applied box on the ear had changed the grin of delight into a howl of pain.
" My darling ! ' cried his mother, enfolding him in her fat arms. " Did they box his ears for nothing ? A precious pet ! '
" It's not for nothing!" growled the angry father. " Are you aware, Madam, that / pay the house-bills, out of a fixed annual sum ? The loss of all that wasted butter falls on me ! Do you hear, Madam ! '
" Hold your tongue, Sir ! ' My Lady spoke
very quietly almost in a whisper. But there
was something in her look which silenced him.
o
" Don't you see it was only a joke ? And a
in] BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS. 39
very clever one, too ! He only meant that he loved nobody but her ! And, instead of being pleased with the compliment, the spiteful little thing has gone away in a huff! '
The Sub-Warden was a very good hand at changing a subject. He walked across to the window. "My dear," he said, " is that a pig that I see down below, rooting about among your flower-beds ? '
" h. pig!'' shrieked my Lady, rushing madly to the window, and almost pushing her husband out, in her anxiety to see for herself. " Whose pig is it ? How did it get in ? Where's that crazy Gardener gone ? '
At this moment Bruno re-entered the room, and passing Uggug (who was blubbering his loudest, in the hope of attracting notice) as if he was quite used to that sort of thing, he ran up to Sylvie and threw his arms round her. " I went to my toy-cupboard," he said with a very sorrowful face, "to see if there were some/in fit for a present for oo 1 And there isn't nuffin ! They's all broken, every one ! And I haven't got no money left, to buy oo a birthday-present ! And I ca'n't give oo
40 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
nuffin but this /' (" This' was a very earnest hug and a kiss.)
" Oh, thank you, darling ! ' cried Sylvie. " I like your present best of all ! ' (But if so, why did she give it back so quickly ?)
His Sub-Excellency turned and patted the two children on the head with his long lean hands. " Go away, dears ! ; he said. " There's business to talk over."
Sylvie and Bruno went away hand in hand : but, on reaching the door, Sylvie came back again and went up to Uggug timidly. " I don't mind about the butter," she said, "and I --I'm sorry he hurt you V And she tried to shake hands with the little ruffian : but Uggug only blubbered louder, and wouldn't make friends. Sylvie left the room with a sigh.
The Sub-Warden glared angrily at his weep- ing son. " Leave the room, Sirrah ! ' he said, as loud as he dared. His wife was still leaning out of the window, and kept repeating " I cant see that pig ! Where is it ? '
" It's moved to the right- -now it's gone a little to the left," said the Sub- Warden : but he had his back to the window, and was making
Ill]
BIRTHDAY-PRESENTS.
signals to the Lord Chancellor, pointing to Uggug and the door, with many a cunning nod and wink.
The Chancellor caught his meaning at last,
o o
and, crossing the room, took that interesting child by the ear- -the next moment he and Uggug were out of the room, and the door shut behind them : but not before one piercing yell had rung through the room, and reached the ears of the fond mother.
" What is that hideous noise ? she fiercely asked, turning upon her startled husband.
42 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" It's some hyaena- -or other," replied the Sub-Warden, looking vaguely up to the ceiling, as if that was where they usually were to be found. " Let us to business, my dear. Here comes the Warden." And he picked up from the floor a wandering scrap of manuscript, on which I just caught the words * after which Election duly holden the said Sibimet and Tabikat his wife may at their pleasure assume
Imperial before, with a guilty look, he
crumpled it up in his hand.
CHAPTER IV.
A CUNNING CONSPIRACY.
THE Warden entered at this moment : and close behind him came the Lord Chancellor, a little flushed and out of breath, and adjusting his wig, which appeared to have been dragged partly off his head.
"But where is my precious child?' my Lady enquired, as the four took their seats at the small side-table devoted to ledgers and bundles and bills.
" He left the room a few minutes
with the Lord Chancellor," the Sub- Warden briefly explained.
44 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
' Ah ! ' said my Lady, graciously smiling on that high official. "Your Lordship has a very taking way with children ! I doubt if any one could gain the ear of my darling Uggug so quickly as you can ! ' For an entirely stupid woman, my Lady's remarks were curiously full of meaning, of which she herself was wholly unconscious.
The Chancellor bowed, but with a very uneasy air. " I think the Warden was about to speak," he remarked, evidently anxious to change the subject.
But my Lady would not be checked. " He is a clever boy," she continued with enthusiasm, " but he needs a man like your Lordship to draw him out ! '
The Chancellor bit his lip, and was silent. He evidently feared that, stupid as she looked, she understood what she said this time, and was having a joke at his expense. He might have spared himself all anxiety ; whatever acci- dental meaning her words might have, she herself never meant anything at all.
" It is all settled ! ' the Warden announced, wasting no time over preliminaries. " The
iv] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 45
Sub-Wardenship is abolished, and my brother is appointed to act as Vice- Warden whenever I am absent. So, as I am going abroad for a while, he will enter on his new duties at once. '
"And there will really be a Vice after all ? my Lady enquired.
" I hope so ! ' the Warden smilingly replied.
My Lady looked much pleased, and tried to clap her hands : but you might as well have knocked two feather-beds together, for any noise it made. " When my husband is Vice," she said, " it will be the same as if we had a hundred Vices ! '
" Hear, hear ! ' cried the Sub-Warden.
" You seem to think it very remarkable," my Lady remarked with some severity, "that your wife should speak the truth ! '
"No, not remarkable at all ! ' her husband anxiously explained. " Nothing is remarkable that you say, sweet one ! '
My Lady smiled approval of the sentiment, and went on. " And am I Vice-Wardeness ?
"If you choose to use that title," said the Warden : "but 'Your Excellency' will be the proper style of address. And I trust that both
46 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
' His Excellency and ' Her Excellency will observe the Agreement I have drawn up. The provision I am most anxious about is this.'' He unrolled a large parchment scroll, and read aloud the words " * item, that we will be kind to the poor.' The Chancellor worded it for me," he added, glancing at that great Func- tionary. "I suppose, now, that word 'item' has some deep legal meaning ? '
" Undoubtedly ! ' replied the Chancellor, as articulately as he could with a pen between his lips. He was nervously rolling and un- rolling several other scrolls, and making room among them for the one the Warden had just handed to him. " These are merely the rough copies," he explained : "and, as soon as I have put in the final corrections- making a great commotion among the different parchments, -a semi-colon or two that I have accidentally omitted- here he darted about, pen in hand, from one part of the scroll to another, spread- ing sheets of blotting-paper over his corrections, "all will be ready for signing."
"Should it not be read out, first?' my Lady enquired.
iv] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 47
"No need, no need!' the Sub-Warden and the Chancellor exclaimed at the same moment, with feverish eagerness.
" No need at all," the Warden gently assented. " Your husband and I have gone through it together. It provides that he shall exercise the full authority of Warden, and shall have the disposal of the annual revenue attached to the office, until my return, or, failing that, until Bruno comes of age : and that he shall then hand over, to myself or to Bruno as the case may be, the Wardenship, the unspent revenue, and the contents of the Treasury, which are to be preserved, intact, under his guardianship."
All this time the Sub- Warden was busy, with the Chancellor's help, shifting the papers from side to side, and pointing out to the Warden the place where he was to sign. He then signed it himself, and my Lady and the Chancellor added their names as witnesses.
" Short partings are best," said the Warden. " All is ready for my journey. My children are waiting below to see me off." He gravely kissed my Lady, shook hands with his brother and the Chancellor, and left the room.
4s
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
iv] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 49
The three waited in silence till the sound of wheels announced that the Warden was out of hearing : then, to my surprise, they broke into peals of uncontrollable laughter.
" What a game, oh, what a game ! ' cried the Chancellor. And he and the Vice- Warden joined hands, and skipped wildly about the room. My Lady was too dignified to skip, but she laughed like the neighing of a horse, and waved her handkerchief above her head : it was clear to her very limited understanding that something very clever had been done, but what it was she had yet to learn.
"You said I should hear all about it when the Warden had gone," she remarked, as soon as she could make herself heard.
" And so you shall, Tabby ! ' her husband graciously replied, as he removed the blotting- paper, and showed the two parchments lying side by side. " This is the one he read but didn't sign : and this is the one he signed but didn't read ! You see it was all covered up, except the place for signing the names —
" Yes, yes ! ' my Lady interrupted eagerly, and began comparing the two Agreements.
E
50 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"'Item, that he shall exercise the authority of Warden, in the Warden's absence.' Why, that's been changed into ' shall be absolute governor for life, with the title of Emperor, if elected to that office by the people.' What! Are you Emperor, darling ? '
"Not yet, dear," the Vice-Warden replied. "It won't do to let this paper be seen, just at present. All in good time."
My Lady nodded, and read on. " ' Item, that we will be kind to the poor.' Why, that's omitted altogether ! '
" Course it is ! ' said her husband. " Were not going to bother about the wretches ! '
" Good" said my Lady, with emphasis, and read on again. " ' Item, that the contents of the Treasury be preserved intact.' Why, that's altered into * shall be at the absolute disposal of the Vice- Warden ' ! " Well, Sibby, that was a clever trick! All the Jewels, only think! May I go and put them on directly ? '
"Well, not just yet, Lovey," her husband uneasily replied. " You see the public mind isn't quite ripe for it yet. We must feel our way. Of course we'll have the coach-and-four
iv] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 51
out, at once. And I'll take the title of Em- peror, as soon as we can safely hold an Elec- tion. But they'll hardly stand our using the Jewels, as long as they know the Warden's alive. We must spread a report of his death. A little Conspiracy
"A Conspiracy!' cried the delighted lady, clapping her hands. " Of all things, I do like a Conspiracy ! It's so interesting ! '
The Vice-Warden and the Chancellor inter- changed a wink or two. " Let her conspire to her heart's content ! ' the cunning Chancellor whispered. " It'll do no harm ! '
"And when will the Conspiracy-
"Hist!' her husband hastily interrupted her, as the door opened, and Sylvie and Bruno came in, with their arms twined lovingly round
each other Bruno sobbing convulsively, with
his face hidden on his sister's shoulder, and Sylvie more grave and quiet, but with tears streaming down her cheeks.
" Mustn't cry like that!" the Vice-Warden said sharply, but without any effect on the weeping children. " Cheer 'em up a bit ! ' he hinted to my Lady.
E 2
52 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Cake ! " my Lady muttered to herself with great decision, crossing the room and opening a cupboard, from which she presently returned with two slices of plum-cake. " Eat, and don't cry ! ' were her short and simple orders : and the poor children sat down side by side, but seemed in no mood for eating.
o
For the second time the door opened or
rather was burst open, this time, as Uggug rushed violently into the room, shouting *' that old Beggar's come again ! '
'• He's not to have any food- the Vice-
Warden was beginning, but the Chancellor interrupted him. " It's all right," he said, in a low voice : " the servants have their orders."
" He's just under here," said Uggug, who had gone to the window, and was looking down into the court-yard.
" Where, my darling ? ' said his fond mother, flinging her arms round the neck of the little monster. All of us (except Sylvie and Bruno, who took no notice of what was going on) followed her to the window. The old Beggar looked up at us with hungry eyes. " Only a crust of bread, your Highness!' he pleaded.
IV]
A CUNNING CONSPIRACY.
53
He was a fine old man, but looked sadly ill and worn. "A crust of bread is what I crave ! ' he repeated. " A single crust, and a little water ! '
" Here's some water, drink this ! ' Uggug bellowed, emp- tying a jug of water over his head.
" Well done, my boy ! ' cried the Vice-Warden. That's the way to settle such folk ! '
Clever boy ! " the Wardeness chimed in. " Hasrit he good spirits ? '
" Take a stick to him ! " shouted
54 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
the Vice-Warden, as the old Beggar shook the water from his ragged cloak, and again gazed meekly upwards.
" Take a red-hot poker to him ! ' my Lady again chimed in.
Possibly there was no red-hot poker handy : but some sticks were forthcoming in a moment, and threatening faces surrounded the poor old wanderer, who waved them back with quiet dignity. " No need to break my old bones," he said. " I am going. Not even a crust ! '
" Poor, poor old man ! " exclaimed a little voice at my side, half choked with sobs. Bruno was at the window, trying to throw out his slice of plum-cake, but Sylvie held him back.
"He shall have my cake ! ' Bruno cried, pas- sionately struggling out of Sylvie's arms.
" Yes, yes, darling ! ' Sylvie gently pleaded. " But don't throw it out ! He's gone away, don't you see ? Let's go after him." And she led him out of the room, unnoticed by the rest of the party, who were wholly absorbed in watching the old Beggar.
The Conspirators returned to their seats, and continued their conversation in an undertone,
iv] A CUNNING CONSPIRACY. 55
so as not to be heard by Uggug, who was still standing at the window.
o
" By the way, there was something about Bruno succeeding to the Wardenship," said my Lady. " How does that stand in the new Agreement ? '
The Chancellor chuckled. u'Just the same, word for word," he said, " with one exception, my Lady. Instead of ' Bruno,' I've taken the liberty to put in- he dropped his voice to
a whisper, " to put in ' Uggug,' you know!'
" UgpfUQf, indeed!' I exclaimed, in a burst
OO O '
of indignation I could no longer control. To bring out even that one word seemed a gigan- tic effort : but, the cry once uttered, all effort ceased at once : a sudden gust swept away the whole scene, and I found myself sitting up, staring at the young lady in the opposite
corner of the carriage, who had now thrown
&
back her veil, and was looking at me with an expression of amused surprise.
CHAPTER V.
A BEGGARS PALACE.
THAT I had said something, in the act of waking, I felt sure : the hoarse stifled cry was still ringing in my ears, even if the startled look of my fellow-traveler had not been evi- dence enough : but what could I possibly say by way of apology ?
" I hope I didn't frighten you ? ' I stam- mered out at last. " I have no idea what I said. I was dreaming."
" You said 'Uggug indeed /' ' the young lady replied, with quivering lips that would curve themselves into a smile, in spite of all her
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 57
efforts to look grave. " At least- -you didn't say it you shouted it ! '
" I'm very sorry," was all I could say, feeling- very penitent and helpless. " She has Sylvie's eyes!' I thought to myself, half- doubting whether, even now, I were fairly awake. "And that sweet look of innocent wonder is all Sylvie's, too. But Sylvie hasrit got that calm resolute mouth- -nor that far-away look of dreamy sadness, like one that has had some
deep sorrow, very long ago And the
thick-coming fancies almost prevented my hear- ing the lady's next words.
"If you had had a ' Shilling Dreadful ' in your hand," she proceeded, " something about Ghosts- -or Dynamite- -or Midnight Mur- der one could understand it : those things
aren't worth the shilling, unless they give one a Nightmare. But really— -with only a medical treatise, you know- and she glanced,
with a pretty shrug of contempt, at the book over which I had fallen asleep.
Her friendliness, and utter unreserve, took me aback for a moment ; yet there was no touch of forwardness, or boldness, about the child-
58 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
for child, almost, she seemed to be : I guessed her at scarcely over twenty all was the inno- cent frankness of some angelic visitant, new to the ways of earth and the conventionalisms
or, if you will, the barbarisms of Society.
"Even so," I mused, "will Sylvie look and speak, in another ten years."
"You don't care for Ghosts, then," I ventured to suggest, "unless they are really terrifying ? '
" Quite so," the lady assented. " The regular Railway-Ghosts 1 mean the Ghosts of ordi- nary Railway-literature- -are very poor affairs. I feel inclined to say, with Alexander Selkirk, ' Their tameness is shocking to me ' ! And they never do any Midnight Murders. They couldn't 4 welter in gore,' to save their lives ! '
" ' Weltering in gore ' is a very expressive phrase, certainly. Can it be done in any fluid, I wonder ? '
" I think not" the lady readily replied
quite as if she had thought it out, long ago. "It has to be something thick. For instance, you might welter in bread-sauce. That, being white, would be more suitable for a Ghost, supposing it wished to welter ! '
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 59
" You have a real good terrifying Ghost in that book ? " I hinted.
" How could you guess ? ? she exclaimed with the most engaging frankness, and placed the volume in my hands. I opened it eagerly, with a not unpleasant thrill (like what a good ghost-story gives one) at the ' uncanny ' coinci- dence of my having so unexpectedly divined the subject of her studies.
It was a book of Domestic Cookery, open at the article * Bread Sauce.'
I returned the book, looking, I suppose, a little blank, as the lady laughed merrily at my discomfiture. " It's far more excitine than some
o
of the modern ghosts, I assure you ! Now there
was a Ghost last month 1 don't mean a real
Ghost in in Supernature- -but in a Maga- zine. It was a perfectly flavourless Ghost. It wouldn't have frightened a mouse ! It wasn't a Ghost that one would even offer a chair to ! ;
" Three score years and ten, baldness, and spectacles, have their advantages after all ! ' I said to myself. " Instead of a bashful youth and maiden, gasping out monosyllables at aw- ful intervals, here we have an old man and a
60 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
child, quite at their ease, talking as if they had known each other for years ! Then you think/' I continued aloud, " that we ought sometimes to ask a Ghost to sit down ? But have we any authority for it ? In Shakespeare, for instance
there are plenty of ghosts there does
Shakespeare ever give the stage - direction ' hands chair to Ghost ' ? '
The lady looked puzzled and thoughtful for a moment : then she almost clapped her hands. "Yes, yes, he does /' she cried. " He makes Hamlet say ' Rest, rest, perturbed Spirit / ' " And that, I suppose, means an easy-chair ? ' " An American rocking-chair, I think — " Fayfield Junction, my Lady, change for Elveston ! ' the guard announced, flinging open the door of the carriage : and we soon found ourselves, with all our portable property around us, on the platform.
The accommodation, provided for passengers waiting at this Junction, was distinctly inade- quate a single wooden bench, apparently
intended for three sitters only : and even this was already partially occupied by a very old man, in a smock frock, who sat, with rounded
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 61
shoulders and drooping head, and with hands clasped on the top of his stick so as to make a sort of pillow for that wrinkled face with its look of patient weariness.
" Come, you be off!' the Station-master roughly accosted the poor old man. " You be off, and make way for your betters ! This way, my Lady ! ' he added in a perfectly dif- ferent tone. "If your Ladyship will take a seat, the train will be up in a few minutes." The cringing servility of his manner was due, no doubt, to the address legible on the pile of luggage, which announced their owner to be "Lady Muriel Orme, passenger to Elveston, via Fayfield Junction."
As I watched the old man slowly rise to his feet, and hobble a few paces down the plat- form, the lines came to my lips :-
"From sack clot Ji couch the Monk arose,
With toil his stiffened limbs he rear'd ; A hundred years had flung their snows On his thin locks and floating beard!'
But the lady scarcely noticed the little in- cident. After one glance at the ' banished
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
mm
man,' who stood tremulously leaning on his stick, she turned to me. " This is not an
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 63
American rocking-chair, by any means ! Yet may I say," slightly changing her place, so as to make room for me beside her, " may I say, in Hamlet's words, ' Rest, rest- ' she broke off with a silvery laugh.
" perturbed Spirit ! ' " I finished the
sentence for her. ." Yes, that describes a rail- way-traveler exactly ! And here is an instance of it," I added, as the tiny local train drew up alongside the platform, and the porters
bustled about, opening carriage-doors one of
them helping the poor old man to hoist him-
*
self into a third-class carriage, while another of them obsequiously conducted the lady and myself into a first-class.
She paused, before following him, to watch the progress of the other passenger. " Poor old man ! ' she said. " How weak and ill he looks! It was a shame to let him be turned away like that. I'm very sorry- At this
moment it dawned on me that these words were not addressed to me, but that she was unconsciously thinking aloud. I moved away a few steps, and waited to follow her into the carriage, where I resumed the conversation.
64 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Shakespeare must have traveled by rail, if only in a dream : * perturbed Spirit ' is such a happy phrase."
" ' Perturbed ' referring, no doubt," she re- joined, " to the sensational booklets peculiar to the Rail. If Steam has done nothing else, it has at least added a whole new Species to English Literature ! '
"No doubt of it," I echoed. "The true origin of all our medical books — and all our cookery-books
"No, no!" she broke in merrily. " I didn't mean our Literature ! We are quite abnormal.
But the booklets the little thrilling romances,
where the Murder comes at page fifteen, and
the Wedding at page forty surely they are
due to Steam ? '
"And when we travel by Electricity if I
may venture to develop your theory- -we shall have leaflets instead of booklets, and the Murder and the Wedding will come on the same page."
"A development worthy of Darwin!' the lady exclaimed enthusiastically. " Only you reverse his theory. Instead of developing a
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 65
mouse into an elephant, you would develop an elephant into a mouse ! ' But here we plunged into a tunnel, and I leaned back and closed my eyes for a moment, trying to recall a few of the incidents of my recent dream.
" I thought I saw- I murmured sleepily:
and then the phrase insisted on conjugating itself, and ran into " you thought you saw- he thought he saw- and then it suddenly went off into a song :-
" He thought he saiv an Elephant,
That practised on a fife ; He looked again, and found it was
A letter from his wife. 'At length I realise,' he said, 1 The bitterness of Life ! '
And what a wild being it was who sang these wild words ! A Gardener he seemed to be- -yet surely a mad one, by the way he
brandished his rake madder, by the way he
broke, ever and anon, into a frantic jig- maddest of all, by the shriek in which he brought out the last words of the stanza !
F
66
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
It was so far a de- scription of himself that he had ti\z feet of an Elephant : but the rest of him was skin and bone : and the wisps of loose straw, that bristled all about him, sug- gested that he had been originally stuff- ed with it, and that nearly all the stuff- ing1 had come out.
o
Sylvie and Bruno waited patiently till the end of the first verse. Then Sylvie advanced alone (Bruno having suddenly turned shy) and timidly introduced herself with the words " Please, I'm Sylvie ! '
"And who's that other thing?' said the Gardener.
"What thing?' said Sylvie, looking round. " Oh, that's Bruno. He's my brother."
" Was he your brother yesterday ? ' the Gardener anxiously enquired.
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 67
"Course I were!' cried Bruno, who had gradually crept nearer, and didn't at all like being talked about without having his share in the conversation.
" Ah, well!' the Gardener said with a kind of groan. " Things change so, here. When- ever I look again, it's sure to be something different ! Yet I does my duty ! I gets up wriggle-early at five-
" If I was oo " said Bruno, " I wouldn't wriggle so early. It's as bad as being a worm ! ' he added, in an undertone to Sylvie.
" But you shouldn't be lazy in the morning, Bruno," said Sylvie. " Remember, it's the early bird that picks up the worm ! '
"It may, if it likes!' Bruno said with a slight yawn. " I don't like eating worms, one bit. I always stop in bed till the early bird has picked them up ! '
" I wonder you've the face to tell me such fibs ! ' cried the Gardener.
To which Bruno wisely replied " Oo don't want a face to tell fibs wiz only a nwuf?
Sylvie discreetly changed the subject. "And did you plant all these flowers ? ' she said.
F 2
68 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"What a lovely garden you've made! Do you know, I'd like to live here always / '
"In the winter-nights- the Gardener was beginning.
" But I'd nearly forgotten what we came about!' Sylvie interrupted. "Would you please let us through into the road ? There's
a poor old beggar just gone out and he's
very hungry and Bruno wants to give him
his cake, you know ! '
" It's as much as my place is worth ! ' the Gardener muttered, taking a key from his pocket, and beginning to unlock a door in the garden-wall.
" How much are it wurf ? ' Bruno innocently enquired.
But the Gardener only grinned. "That's a secret!' he said. "Mind you come back quick ! ' he called after the children, as they passed out into the road. I had just time to follow them, before he shut the door again.
We hurried down the road, and very soon caught sight of the old Beggar, about a quarter of a mile ahead of us, and the children at once set off running to overtake him.
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 69
Lightly and swiftly they skimmed over the ground, and I could not in the least understand how it was I kept up with them so easily. But the unsolved problem did not worry me so much as at another time it might have done, there were so many other things to attend to.
The old Beggar must have been very deaf, as he paid no attention whatever to Bruno's eager shouting, but trudged wearily on, never pausing until the child got in front of him and held up the slice of cake. The poor little fellow was quite out of breath, and could only utter the one
word " Cake !' not with the gloomy decision
with which Her Excellency had so lately pro- nounced it, but with a sweet childish timidity, looking up into the old man's face with eyes that loved ' all things both great and small.'
The old man snatched it from him, and de- voured it greedily, as some hungry wild beast
*
might have done, but never a word of thanks did he give his little benefactor- -only growled " More, more ! " and glared at the half- frightened children.
" There is no more ! ' Sylvie said with tears in her eyes. " I'd eaten mine. It was a shame
70 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
to let you be turned away like that. I'm very sorry-
I lost the rest of the sentence, for my mind had recurred, with a great shock of surprise, to Lady Muriel Orme, who had so lately uttered
these very words of Sylvie's yes, and in
Sylvie's own voice, and with Sylvie's gentle
i
pleading eyes !
" Follow me ! ' were the next words I heard, as the old man waved his hand, with a dignified grace that ill suited his ragged dress, over a bush, that stood by the road side, which began instantly to sink into the earth. At another time I might have doubted the evidence of my eyes, or at least have felt some astonish- ment : but, in this strange scene, my whole being seemed absorbed in strong curiosity as to what would happen next.
When the bush had sunk quite out of our sight, marble steps were seen, leading down- wards into darkness. The old man led the way, and we eagerly followed.
The staircase was so dark, at first, that I could only just see the forms of the children, as, hand- in-hand, they groped their way down after their
v] A BEGGAR'S PALACE. 71
-
guide : but it got 'lighter every moment, with a strange silvery brightness, that seemed to exist in the air, as there were no lamps visible ; and, when at last we reached a level floor, the room, in which we found ourselves, was almost as light as day.
It was eight-sided, having in each angle a slender pillar, round which silken draperies were twined. The wall between the pillars was entirely covered, to the height of six or seven feet, with creepers, from which hung quantities of ripe fruit and of brilliant flowers, that almost hid the leaves. In another place, perchance, I might have wondered to see fruit and flowers growing together : here, my chief wonder was that neither fruit nor flowers were such as I had ever seen before. Higher up. each wall contained a circular window of coloured glass ;
o
and over all was an arched roof, that seemed to be spangled all over with jewels.
With hardly less wonder, I turned this way and that, trying to make out how in the world we had come in : for there was no door : and all the walls were thickly covered with the lovely creepers.
72 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"We are safe here, my darlings!' said the old man, laying a hand on Sylvie's shoulder, and bending down to kiss her. Sylvie drew back hastily, with an offended air : but in another moment, with a glad cry of " Why, it's Father!' ', she had run into his arms.
" Father ! Father ! ' Bruno repeated : and, while the happy children were being hugged and kissed, I could but rub my eyes and say " Where, then, are the rags gone to ? " ; for the old man was now dressed in royal robes that glittered with jewels and gold embroidery, and wore a circlet of gold around his head.
CHAPTER VI.
THE MAGIC LOCKET.
"WHERE are we, father ? " Sylvie whispered, with her arms twined closely around the old man's neck, and with her rosy cheek lovingly pressed to his.
"In Elfland, darling. It's one of the pro- vinces of Fairyland."
" But I thought Elfland was ever so far from Outland : and we've come such a tiny little way ! '
" You came by the Royal Road, sweet one. Only those of royal blood can travel along it : but y oiive been royal ever since I was made
74 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
King of Elfland- -that's nearly a month ago. They sent two ambassadors, to make sure that their invitation to me, to be their new King, should reach me. One was a Prince ; so he was able to come by the Royal Road, and to come invisibly to all but me : the other was a Baron ; so he had to come by the common road, and I dare say he hasn't even arrived yet."
" Then how far have we come?' Sylvie enquired.
"Just a thousand miles, sweet one, since the Gardener unlocked that door for you."
" A thousand miles ! Bruno repeated. " And may I eat one ? '
" Eat a mile, little rogue ? '
" No," said Bruno. " I mean may I eat one of that fruits ? "
"Yes, child," said his father: "and then
you'll find out what Pleasure is like the
Pleasure we all seek so madly, and enjoy so mournfully ! '
Bruno ran eagerly to the wall, and picked a fruit that was shaped something like a banana, but had the colour of a strawberry.
vi] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 75
He ate it with beaming looks, that became gradually more gloomy, and were very blank indeed by the time he had finished.
" It hasn't got no taste at all ! " he complained.
" I couldn't feel nuffin in my mouf ! It's a •
what's that hard word, Sylvie ? '
"It was a Pklizz" Sylvie gravely replied. " Are they all like that, father ? "
" They're all like that to you, darling, be- cause you don't belong to Elfland yet. But
to me they are real."
Bruno looked puzzled. " I'll try anuvver kind of fruits ! ' he said, and jumped down off the King's knee. " There's some lovely striped ones, just like a rainbow ! ' And off he ran.
Meanwhile the Fairy-King and Sylvie were talking together, but in such low tones that I could not catch the words : so I followed Bruno, who was picking and eating other kinds of fruit, in the vain hope of finding some that had
a taste. I tried to pick some myself but it
was like grasping air, and I soon gave up the attempt and returned to Sylvie.
" Look well at it, my darling," the old man was saying, " and tell me how you like it."
76 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" It's just lovely? cried Sylvie, delightedly. " Bruno, come and look ! ' And she held up, so that he might see the light through it, a heart-shaped Locket, apparently cut out of a single jewel, of a rich blue colour, with a slender gold chain attached to it.
"It are welly pretty," Bruno more soberly remarked : and he began spelling out some
words inscribed on it. " All will love
Sylvie," he made them out at last. " And so they doos ! ' he cried, clasping his arms round her neck. " Everybody loves Sylvie ! '
" But we love her best, don't we, Bruno ?' said the old King, as he took possession of the Locket. " Now, Sylvie, look at this." And he showed her, lying on the palm of his hand, a Locket of a deep crimson colour, the same shape as the blue one and, like it, attached to a slender golden chain.
" Lovelier and lovelier ! ' exclaimed Sylvie, clasping her hands in ecstasy. " Look, Bruno ! '
" And there's words on this one, too/' said Bruno. " Sylvie will love all."
" Now you see the difference," said the old man: "different colours and different words.
VI]
THE MAGIC LOCKET.
77
Choose one of them, darling. I'll give you whichever you like best."
Sylvie whispered the words, several times over, with a thoughtful smile, and then made her decision. " It's very nice to be loved," she said: "but it's nicer to love other people! May I have the red one, Father ? '
The old man said nothing : but I could see his eyes fill with tears, as he bent his head and pressed his lips to her forehead in a long loving kiss. Then he undid the chain, and showed her how to fasten it round her neck, and to hide it away under the edge of her
78 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
frock.. ''It's for you to keep, you know," he said in a low voice, " not for other people to see. You'll remember how to use it ? '
"Yes, I'll remember," said Sylvie.
" And now, darlings, it's time for you to go back, or they'll be missing you, and then that poor Gardener will get into trouble ! '
Once more a feeling of wonder rose in my mind as to how in the world we were to get back again- -since I took it for granted that,
wherever the children went, / was to go but
no shadow of doubt seemed to cross their minds, as they hugged and kissed him, mur- muring, over and over again, " Good-bye, darling Father ! ' And then, suddenly and swiftly, the darkness of midnight seemed to close in upon us, and through the darkness harshly rang a strange wild song : —
" He thought lie saw a Buffalo
Upon the chimney-piece: He looked again, and found it was
His Sisters Husband s Niece. ' Unless you leave this house! lie said,
' /'// send for the Police / ' "
vi]
THE MAGIC LOCKET.
79
"That was me T he added, looking out at us, through the half-opened door, as we stood waiting in the road. " And that's what I'd have done- -as sure as potatoes aren't radishes
-if she hadn't have tooken herself off! But I always loves my pay-rints like anything."
"Who are vox pay-rints ? ' said Bruno.
•' Them as pay rint for me, a course! " the Gardener replied. " You can come in now, if you like."
He flung the door open as he spoke, and we got out, a little dazzled and stupefied (at least /
So SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
felt so) at the sudden transition from the half- darkness of the railway-carriage to the bril- liantly-lighted platform of Elveston Station.
A footman, in a handsome livery, came forwards and respectfully touched his hat. " The carriage is here, my Lady," he said, taking from her the wraps and small articles she was carrying : and Lady Muriel, after shaking hands and bidding me " Good-night ! ' with a pleasant smile, followed him.
It was with a somewhat blank and lonely feeling that I betook myself to the van from which the luggage was being taken out : and, after giving directions to have my boxes sent after me, I made my way on foot to Arthur's lodgings, and soon lost my lonely feeling in the hearty welcome my old friend gave me, and the cozy warmth and cheerful light of the little sitting-room into which he led me.
" Little, as you see, but quite enough for us two. Now, take the easy-chair, old fellow, and let's have another look at you ! Well, you do look a bit pulled down ! ' and he put on a solemn professional air. " I prescribe Ozone, quant, suff. Social dissipation, fiant pilule?
vi] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 81
quaui plurimce : to be taken, feasting, three times a day ! '
" But, Doctor ! ' I remonstrated. " Society doesn't ' receive ' three times a day ! '
" That's all you know about it ! ' the young Doctor gaily replied. " At home, lawn-tennis. 3 P.M. At home, kettledrum, 5 r.M. At home, music (Elveston doesn't give dinners), 8 P.M. Carriages at 10. There you are !'
It sounded very pleasant, I was obliged to admit. "And I know some of the /^^/-society already," I added. " One of them came in the same carriage with me."
" What was she like ? Then perhaps I can identify her."
" The name was Lady Muriel Orme. As to
what she was like well, / thought her very
beautiful. Do you know her ? '
" Yes- -I do know her." And the grave Doctor coloured slightly as he added " Yes, I agree with you. She is beautiful."
"/quite lost my heart to her!' I went on mischievously. " We talked-
i.
Have some supper!' Arthur interrupted with an air of relief, as the maid entered with
G
82 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
v
the tray. And he steadily resisted all my attempts to return to the subject of Lady Muriel until the evening had almost worn itself
o
away. Then, as we sat gazing into the fire, and conversation was lapsing into silence, he made a hurried confession.
" I hadn't meant to tell you anything about her," he said (naming no names, as if there were only one ' she ' in the world !) " till you had seen more, of her, and formed your own judgment of her : but somehow you surprised it out of me. And I've not breathed a word of it to any one else. But I can trust you with a secret, old friend ! Yes ! It's true of me, what I suppose you said in jest."
" In the merest jest, believe me!' I said earnestly. " Why, man, I'm three times her age! But if she's your choice, then I'm sure she's all that is eood and "
" and sweet," Arthur went on, " and pure,
and self-denying, and true-hearted, and- ' he broke off hastily, as if he could not trust him- self to say more on a subject so sacred and so precious. Silence followed : and I leaned back drowsily in my easy-chair, filled with bright
vi] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 83
and beautiful imamnin^s of Arthur and his
o o
lady-love, and of all the peace and happiness in store for them.
I pictured them to myself walking together, lingeringly and lovingly, under arching trees, in a sweet garden of their own, and welcomed back by their faithful gardener, on their return from some brief excursion.
It seemed natural enough that the gardener
o o
should be filled with exuberant delight at the return of so gracious a master and mistress
-and how strangely childlike they looked ! I could have taken them for Sylvie and Bruno
-less natural that he should show it by such wild dances, such crazy songs !
/
" He thought Jie saw a Rattlesnake
TJiat questioned him in Greek : He looked again, and found it was
The Middle of 'Next Week. ' The one thing- 1 regret' he said, ' Is that it cannot speak ! '
-least natural of all that the Vice-Warden and ' my Lady ' should be standing close be-
G 2
84 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
side me, discussing an open letter, which had just been handed to him by the Professor, who stood, meekly waiting, a few yards off.
"If it were not for those two brats," I heard him mutter, glancing savagely at Sylvie and Bruno, who were courteously listening to the Gardener's song, " there would be no difficulty whatever."
" Let's hear that bit of the letter again," said my Lady. And the Vice-Warden read aloud :-
"- and we therefore entreat you gra-
ciously to accept the Kingship, to which you have been unanimously elected by the Council of Elfland : and that you will allow your son Bruno— -of whose goodness, cleverness, and beauty, reports have reached us- -to be regarded as Heir- Apparent."
" But what's the difficulty ? " said my Lady.
" Why, don't you see ? The Ambassador, that brought this, is waiting in the house : and he's sure to see Sylvie and Bruno : and then, when he sees Uggug, and remembers all that about ' goodness, cleverness, and beauty,' why, he's sure to-
vi] THE MAGIC LOCKET. 85
" And where will you find a better boy than Uggiig ? ' my Lady indignantly interrupted. " Or a wittier, or a lovelier ? '
To all of which the Vice-Warden simply replied " Don't you be a great blethering goose ! Our only chance is to keep those two brats out of sight. If you can manage that, you may leave the rest to me. I'll make him believe Uggug to be a model of cleverness and all that."
"We must change his name to Bruno, of
<_> *
course ? " said my Lady.
The Vice-Warden rubbed his chin. " Humph ! No!' he said musingly. "Wouldn't do. The boy's such an utter idiot, he'd never learn to answer to it."
''Idiot, indeed!' cried my Lady. "He's no more an idiot than / am ! '
"You're right, my dear," the Vice-Warden soothingly replied. l< He isn't, indeed ! '
My Lady was appeased. " Let's go in and receive the Ambassador," she said, and beckoned to the Professor. " Which room is he waiting
o
in ? " she inquired.
" In the Library, Madam."
86 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"And ivhat did you say his name was?' said the Vice-Warden.
The Professor referred to a card he held in his hand. " His Adiposity the Baron Doppelgeist."
" Why does he come with such a funny name ? said my Lady.
<l He couldn't well change it on the jour- ney," the Professor meekly replied, " because of the luggage."
" You go and receive him," my Lady said to the Vice- Warden, "and /'// attend to the children."
CHAPTER VII.
THE BARON'S EMBASSY.
I WAS following the Vice-Warden, but, on second thoughts, went after my Lady, being curious to see how she would manage to keep the children out of sight.
I found her holding Sylvie's hand, and with her other hand stroking Bruno's hair in a most tender and motherly fashion : both children were looking bewildered and half- frightened.
" My own darlings," she was saying, " I've been planning a little treat for you ! The Professor shall take you a long walk into the
88 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
woods this beautiful evening : and you shall take a basket of food with you, and have a little picnic down by the river ! '
Bruno jumped, and clapped his hands. k' That are nice!" he cried. "Aren't it, Sylvie ? '
Sylvie, who hadn't quite lost her surprised look, put up her mouth for a kiss. " Thank you very much," she said earnestly.
My Lady turned her head away to con- ceal the broad grin of triumph that spread over her vast face, like a ripple on a lake. " Little simpletons ! ' she muttered to herself, as she marched up to the house. I followed her in.
" Quite so, your Excellency," the Baron was saying as we entered the Library. " All the infantry were under my command." He turned, and was duly presented to my Lady.
" A military hero ? " said my Lady. The fat little man simpered. " Well, yes," he replied, modestly casting down his eyes. " My ances- tors were all famous for military genius."
My Lady smiled graciously. " It often runs in families," she remarked : "just as a love for pastry does."
VII] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 89
The Baron looked slightly offended, and the Vice- Warden discreetly changed the subject. " Dinner will soon be ready," he said. " May I have the honour of conducting your Adiposity to the Qruest-chamber ? '
o
u Certainly, certainly ! ' the Baron eagerly assented. "It would never do to keep dinner waiting ! ' And he almost trotted out of the room after the Vice- Warden.
He was back again so speedily that the Vice- Warden had barely time to explain to my Lady that her remark about " a love for pastry ' was "unfortunate. You might have seen, with half an eye," he added, " that that's his line. Military genius, indeed! Pooh!'
" Dinner ready yet ?" the Baron enquired, as he hurried into the room.
" Will be in a few minutes," the Vice-Warden replied. " Meanwhile, let's take a turn in the garden. You were telling me," he continued, as the trio left the house, " something; about a
o
great battle in which you had the command of the infantry-
" True," said the Baron. "The enemy, as I was saying, far outnumbered us : but I marched
90 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
my men right into the middle of- -what's that ?' the Military Hero exclaimed in agitated tones, drawing back behind the Vice-Warden, as a strange creature rushed wildly upon them, brandishing a spade.
" It's only the Gardener!' the Vice- Warden replied in an encouraging tone. " Quite harm- less, I assure you. Hark, he's singing! It's his favorite amusement."
And once more those shrill discordant tones rang out :-
" He tJiougJit Jie saw a Banker s Clerk
Descending from the bus : He looked again, and found it was
A Hippopotamus : ' If this should stay to dine] he said,
' There wont be much for us ! '
Throwing away the spade, he broke into a frantic jig, snapping his fingers, and repeating, again and again,
u TJiere wont be much for us ! There won't be much for us ! '
VI l]
THE BARON'S EMBASSY.
Once more the Baron looked slightly offended, but the Vice-Warden hastily explained that the song had no allusion to him, and in fact had no meaning at all. " You didn't mean anything by it, now did you ? He appealed to the Gar- dener, who had finished his song, and stood, balancing himself on one leg, and looking at them, with his mouth open.
92 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" I never means nothing," said the Gardener : and Uggug luckily came up at the moment, and gave the conversation a new turn.
" Allow me to present my son/' said the Vice- Warden ; adding, in a whisper, " one of the best and cleverest boys that ever lived! I'll con- trive for you to see some of his cleverness. He knows everything that other boys dorit know ; and in archery, in fishing, in painting, and in music, his skill is- -but you shall judge for yourself. You see that target over there ? He shall shoot an arrow at it. Dear boy," he went on aloud, " his Adiposity would like to see you shoot. Bring his Highness' bow and arrows ! '
Uggug looked very sulky as he received the bow and arrow, and prepared to shoot. Just as the arrow left the bow, the Vice- Warden trod heavily on the toe of the Baron, who yelled with the pain.
" Ten thousand pardons ! " he exclaimed. " I stepped back in my excitement. See ! It is a bull's-eye ! '
The Baron gazed in astonishment. " He held the bow so awkwardly, it seemed impossible ! ' he muttered. But there was no room for doubt :
VH] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 93
there was the arrow, right in the centre of the bull's-eye !
" The lake is close by," continued the Vice- Warden. " Brinor his Highness' fishing-rod ! '
<j fj cD
And Uggug most unwillingly held the rod, and dangled the fly over the water.
" A beetle on your arm!' cried my Lady, pinching the poor Baron's arm worse than if ten lobsters had seized it at once. " That kind is poisonous/'' she explained. a But what a pity ! You missed seeing the fish pulled out ! '
An enormous dead cod-fish was lying on the bank, with the hook in its mouth.
" I had always fancied," the Baron faltered, u that cod were ^//-water fish ? '
" Not in this country," said the Vice-Warden. " Shall we go in ? Ask my son some question on the way- -any subject you like ! ' And the sulky boy was violently shoved forwards, to walk at the Baron's side.
"Could your Highness tell me," the Baron cautiously began, "how much seven times nine would come to ? '
" Turn to the left ! ' cried the Vice-Warden, hastily stepping forwards to show the way-
94 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
so hastily, that he ran against his unfortunate guest, who fell heavily on his face.
" So sorry ! " my Lady exclaimed, as she and her husband helped him to his feet again. " My son was in the act of saying 'sixty-three' as you fell ! '
The Baron said nothing : he was covered with dust, and seemed much hurt, both in body and mind. However, when they had got him into the house, and given him a good brushing, matters looked a little better.
Dinner was served in due course, and every fresh dish seemed to increase the good-humour of the Baron : but all efforts, to get him to express his opinion as to Uggug's cleverness, were in vain, until that interesting youth had left the room, and was seen from the open window, prowling about the lawn with a little basket, which he was filling with frogs.
"So fond of Natural History as he is, dear boy ! ' said the doting mother. " Now do tell us, Baron, what you think of him ! '
" To be perfectly candid," said the cautious Baron, " I would like a little more evidence. I think you mentioned his skill in-
vii] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 95
"Music?" said the Vice-Warden. "Why, he's simply a prodigy ! You shall hear him play the piano." And he walked to the win- dow. " Ug- -I mean my boy ! Come in for a minute, and bring the music-master with you ! To turn over the music for him," he added as an explanation.
Uggug, having filled his basket with frogs, had no objection to obey, and soon appeared in the room, followed by a fierce-looking little man, who asked the Vice-Warden " Vot music vill you haf ? '
"The Sonata that His Highness plays so charmingly," said the Vice- Warden.
" His Highness haf not- the music-
master began, but was sharply stopped by the Vice-Warden.
"Silence, Sir ! Go and turn over the music for his Highness. My dear," (to the War- deness) " will you show him what to do ? And meanwhile, Baron, I'll just show you a most interesting map we have- -of Outland, and Fairyland, and that sort of thing."
By the time my Lady had returned, from explaining things to the music-master, the map
96
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
vii] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 97
had been hung up, and the Baron was already much bewildered by the Vice- Warden's habit of pointing to one place while he shouted out the name of another.
My Lady joining in, pointing out other places, and shouting other names, only made matters worse ; and at last the Baron, in despair, took to pointing out places for himself, and feebly asked " Is that great yellow splotch Fairyland ? '
" Yes, that's Fairyland," said the Vice- Warden : c>and you might as well give him a hint," he muttered to my Lady, " about going back to-morrow. He eats like a shark ! It would hardly do for me to mention it."
His wife caught the idea, and at once began giving hints of the most subtle and delicate kind. " Just see what a short way it is back to Fairyland ! Why, if you started to-morrow morning, you'd get there in very little more than a week ! '
The Baron looked incredulous. " It took me a full month to come" he said.
" But it's ever so much shorter, going back, you know ! '
H
98 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
The Baron looked appealingly to the Vice- Warden, who chimed in readily. " You can go backyfotf times, in the time it took you to come here once- -if you start to-morrow morning ! '
All this time the Sonata was pealing through the room. The Baron could not help admitting to himself that it was being magnificently played : but he tried in vain to get a glimpse of the youthful performer. Every time he had nearly succeeded in catching sight of him, either the Vice-Warden or his wife was sure to get in the way, pointing out some new place on the map, and deafening him with some new name.
He gave in at last, wished a hasty good- night, and left the room, while his host and hostess interchanged looks of triumph.
" Deftly done ! ' cried the Vice- Warden. " Craftily contrived ! But what means all that tramping on the stairs ? ; He half-opened the door, looked out, and added in a tone of dismay, " The Baron's boxes are being carried down ! '
"And what means all that rumbling of wheels ? " cried my Lady. She peeped through the window curtains. " The Baron's carriage has come round ! ' she groaned.
Vii] THE BARON'S EMBASSY. 99
At this moment the door opened : a fat, furious face looked in : a voice, hoarse with passion, thundered out the words " My room is
full of frogs 1 leave you ! " : and the door
closed again.
And still the noble Sonata went pealing through the room : but it was Arthur s mas-
o
terly touch that roused the echoes, and thrilled my very soul with the tender music of the immortal ' Sonata Pathetique ' : and it was not till the last note had died away that the tired but happy traveler could bring himself to utter the words " ^ood-ni^ht ! " and to seek his
O «_>
much-needed pillow.
H 2
CHAPTER VIII.
A RIDE ON A LION.
THE next day glided away, pleasantly enough, partly in settling myself in my new quarters, and partly in strolling round the neighbourhood, under Arthur's guidance, and trying to form a general idea of Elveston and its inhabitants. When five o'clock arrived, Arthur proposed- -without any embarrassment this time- -to take me with him up to ' the Hall,' in order that I might make acquaintance with the Earl of Ainslie, who had taken it for the season, and renew acquaintance with his daughter Lady Muriel.
vin] A RIDE ON A LION. 101
My first impressions of the gentle, dignified, and yet genial old man were entirely favour- able : and the real satisfaction that showed itself on his daughter's face, as she met me with the words " this is indeed an unlooked-for pleasure ! ", was very soothing for whatever remains of personal vanity the failures and disappointments of many long years, and much buffeting with a rough world, had left in me.
O O
Yet I noted, and was glad to note, evidence of a far deeper feeling than mere friendly regard, in her meeting with Arthur- -though this was, as I gathered, an almost daily occur- rence- -and the conversation between them, in which the Earl and I were only occasional sharers, had an ease and a spontaneity rarely met with except between very old friends ; and, as I knewT that they had not known each other for a longer period than the summer which was now rounding into autumn, I felt certain that ' Love,' and Love alone, could explain the phenomenon.
" How convenient it would be," Lady Muriel laughingly remarked, a propos of my having in- sisted on saving her the trouble of carrying a
102 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
cup of tea across the room to the Earl, "if cups of tea had no weight at all ! Then per- haps ladies would sometimes be permitted to carry them for short distances ! '
" One can easily imagine a situation," said Arthur, " where things would necessarily have no weight, relatively to each other, though each would have its usual weight, looked at by itself."
" Some desperate paradox ! ' said the Earl. <; Tell us how it could be. We shall never guess it."
" Well, suppose this house, just as it is, placed a few billion miles above a planet, and with nothing else near enough to disturb it : of course it falls to the planet ?
The Earl nodded. " Of course- -though it might take some centuries to do it."
o
" And is five-o'clock-tea to be going on all the while ? ' said Lady Muriel.
" That, and other things," said Arthur. " The inhabitants would live their lives, grow up and die, and still the house would be falling, falling, falling ! But now as to the relative weight of things. Nothing can be heavy, you know,
vni] A RIDE ON A LION. 103
except by trying to fall, and being prevented from doing so. You all grant that ? '
We all granted that.
"Well, now, if I take this book, and hold it out at arm's length, of course I feel its weight. It is trying to fall, and I prevent it. And, if I let go, it falls to the floor. But, if we were all falling together, it couldn't be trying to fall any quicker, you know : for, if I let go, what more could it do than fall ? And, as my hand would
be falling too at the same rate it would
never leave it, for that would be to get ahead of it in the race. And it could never overtake the falling floor ! "
o
" I see it clearly," said Lady Muriel. " But it makes one dizzy to think of such things ! How can you make us do it ?'
" There is a more curious idea yet," I ven- tured to say. " Suppose a cord fastened to the house, from below, and pulled down by some one on the planet. Then of course the house goes faster than its natural rate of falling : but
the furniture with our noble selves would
go on falling at their old pace, and would therefore be left behind.'
104 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Practically, we should rise to the ceiling," said the Earl. " The inevitable result of which would be concussion of brain."
" To avoid that," said Arthur, " let us have the furniture fixed to the floor, and ourselves tied down to the furniture. Then the five- o'clock-tea could go on in peace/'
"With one little drawback!" Lady Muriel gaily interrupted. " We should take the cups down with us : but what about the tea ?
" I had forgotten the tea" Arthur confessed. " That, no doubt, would rise to the ceiling- unless you chose to drink it on the way ! '
" Which, I think, is quite nonsense enough for one while!' said the Earl. "What news does this gentleman bring us from the great world of London ?
This drew me into the conversation, which now took a more conventional tone. After a while, Arthur gave the signal for our depar- ture, and in the cool of the evening we strolled down to the beach, enjoying the silence, broken only by the murmur of the sea and the far-away music of some fishermen's song, almost as much as our late pleasant talk.
vin] A RIDE ON A LION. 105
We sat down among the rocks, by a little pool, so rich in animal, vegetable, and zoophytic — or whatever is the right word- -life, that I became entranced in the study of it, and, when Arthur proposed returning to our lodgings, I begged to be left there for a while, to watch and muse alone.
The fishermen's song grew ever nearer and clearer, as their boat stood in for the beach ; and I would have gone down to see them land
o
their cargo of fish, had not the microcosm at my feet stirred my curiosity yet more keenly.
One ancient crab, that was for ever shuffling frantically from side to side of the pool, had particularly fascinated me : there was a vacancy in its stare, and an aimless violence in its behaviour, that irresistibly recalled the Gar- dener who had befriended Sylvie and Bruno : and, as I gazed, I caught the concluding notes of the tune of his crazy song.
The silence that followed was broken by the sweet voice of Sylvie. " Would you please let us out into the road ? '
" WThat ! After that old beggar again ? ' the Gardener yelled, and began singing :-
io6
SYLVIE AND BRUNO
" He thought he saw a Kangaroo That worked a coffee-mill :
He looked again, and found it was A Vegetable-Pill.
1 Were I to swallow this' he said, 1 1 should be very ill / '
" We don't want him to swallow anything" Sylvie explained. " He's not hungry. But we want to see him. So will you please-
C( Certainly ! ' the Gardener promptly replied. " I always please. Never displeases nobody.
vni] A RIDE ON A LION. 107
There you are ! ' And he flung the door open, and let us out upon the dusty high-road.
We soon found our way to the bush, which had so mysteriously sunk into the ground : and here Sylvie drew the Magic Locket from its hiding-place, turned it over with a thoughtful air, and at last appealed to Bruno in a rather helpless way. " What was it we had to clo with it, Bruno ? It's all gone out of my head ! '
" Kiss it ! ' was Bruno's invariable recipe in cases of doubt and difficulty. Sylvie kissed it, but no result followed.
" Rub it the wrong way," was Bruno's next
suggestion.
oo
"Which is the wrong way?' Sylvie most reasonably enquired. The obvious plan was to try both ways.
Rubbing from left to right had no visible effect whatever.
From right to left- -"Oh, stop, Sylvie!' Bruno cried in sudden alarm. "Whatever is going to happen ? '
For a number of trees, on the neighbouring hillside, were moving slowly upwards, in solemn procession : while a mild little brook, that had
loS
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
vin] A RIDE ON A LION. 109
been rippling at ouV feet a moment before, began to swell, and foam, and hiss, and bubble, in a truly alarming fashion.
11 Rub it some other way ! ' cried Bruno. " Try up-and-down ! Quick ! '
It was a happy thought. Up-and-down did it : and the landscape, which had been showing siofns of mental aberration in various directions,
o
returned to its normal condition of sobriety- with the exception of a small yellowish-brown mouse, which continued to run wildly up and down the road, lashing its tail like a little lion.
" Let's follow it," said Sylvie : and this also turned out a happy thought. The mouse at once settled down into a business-like jog-trot, with which we could easily keep pace. The only phenomenon, that gave me any uneasiness, was the rapid increase in the size of the little creature we were following, which became every moment more and more like a real lion.
Soon the transformation was complete : and a noble lion stood patiently waiting for us to come up with it. No thought of fear seemed to occur to the children, who patted and stroked it as if it had been a Shetland-pony.
no SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Help me up! " cried Bfuno. And in another moment Sylvie had lifted him upon the broad back of the gentle beast, and seated herself behind him, pillion-fashion. Bruno took a good handful of mane in each hand, and made believe to guide this new kind of steed. " Gee-up ! ' seemed quite sufficient by way of verbal direc- tion : the lion at once broke into an easy canter, and we soon found ourselves in the depths of the forest. I say ' we} for I am certain that / accompanied them- -though how I managed to keep up with a cantering lion I am wholly unable to explain. But I was certainly one of the party when we came upon an old beggar-man cutting sticks, at whose feet the lion made a profound obeisance, Sylvie and Bruno at the same moment dismounting, and leaping into the arms of their father.
" From bad to worse ! ' the old man said to himself, dreamily, when the children had finished their rather confused account of the Ambassador's visit, gathered no doubt from general report, as they had not seen him them- selves. " From bad to worse ! That is their destiny. I see it, but I cannot alter it. The
vin] A RIDE ON A LION. in
selfishness of a mean and crafty man- -the selfishness of an ambitious and silly woman- the selfishness of a spiteful an4 loveless child -all tend one way, from bad to worse ! And you, my darlings, must suffer it awhile, I fear. Yet, when things are at their worst, you can come to me. I can do but little as yet- Gathering up a handful of dust and scattering it in the air, he slowly and solemnly pronounced some words that sounded like a charm, the children looking on in awe-struck silence :-
Let craft, ambition, spite, Be quenched in Reasons niglit, Till weakness turn to might t Till what is dark be light, Till what is wrong be right ! '
The cloud of dust spread itself out through the air, as if it were alive, forming curious shapes that were for ever changing into others.
"It makes letters! It makes words!' Bruno whispered, as he clung, half-frightened, to Sylvie. " Only I cant make them out-! Read them, Sylvie ! ;
H2 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" I'll try," Sylvie gravely replied. "Wait a minute- -if only I could see that word-
" I should be very ill ! ' a discordant voice yelled in our ears.
" ' Were I to swallow this,' lie said, 1 1 should be very ill!'"
CHAPTER IX.
A JESTER AND A BEAR.
YES, we were in the garden once more : and, to escape that horrid discordant voice, we hurried indoors, and found ourselves in the
library Uggug blubbering, the Professor
standing by with a bewildered air, and my Lady, with her arms clasped round her son's neck, repeating, over and over again, " and did they give him nasty lessons to learn ? My own pretty pet ! '
" What's all this noise about ? ' the Vice- Warden angrily enquired, as he strode into the room. "And who put the hat-stand here?'
i
H4 SVLVIE AND BRUNO.
And he hung his hat up on Bruno, who was standing in the middle of the room, too much astonished by the sudden change of scene to make any attempt at removing it, though it came down to his shoulders, making him look something like a small candle with a large extinguisher over it.
o
The Professor mildly explained that His Highness had been graciously pleased to say he wouldn't do his lessons.
" Do your lessons this instant, you young cub ! ; thundered the Vice-Warden. " And take this ! ' and a resounding box on the ear made the unfortunate Professor reel across the room.
" Save me ! ' faltered the poor old man, as he sank, half- fainting, at my Lady's feet.
" Shave you ? Of course I will ! ' my Lady replied, as she lifted him into a chair, and pinned an anti-macassar round his neck. u Where's the razor ? '
The Vice-Wrarden meanwhile had got hold of Uggug, and was belabouring him with his umbrella. " Who left this loose nail in the floor ? ' he shouted. " Hammer it in, I say !
IX]
A JESTER AND A BEAR.
Hammer it in ! '* Blow after blow fell on the writhing Uggug, till he dropped howling to the floor.
Then his father turned to the ' shaving '
o
scene which was beinof enacted, and roared
o
with laughter. " Excuse me, dear, I ca'n't help it!" he said as soon as he could speak. "You are such an utter donkey! Kiss me, Tabby !'
I 2
n6 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
And he flung his arms round the neck of the terrified Professor, who raised a wild shriek, but whether he received the threatened kiss or not I was unable to see, as Bruno, who had by this time released himself from his extinguisher, rushed headlong out of the room, followed by Sylvie ; and I was so fearful of being left alone among ail these crazy creatures that I hurried after them.
" We must go to Father ! " Sylvie panted, as they ran down the garden. " I'm sure things are at their worst ! I'll ask the. Gardener to let us out again."
''But we ca'n't walk all the way!' Bruno whimpered. " How I wiss we had a coach- and-four, like Uncle ! '
And, shrill and wild, rang through the air the familiar voice : —
" He thought he saw a CoacJi-and-Four
That stood beside his bed : He looked again, and found it was
A Bear without a Head. ' Poor thing! he said, 'poor silly thing /
It's waiting to be fed / '
IX]
A JESTER AND A BEAR.
117
"No, I ca'n't let you out again!' he said, before the children could speak. " The Vice- Warden gave it me, he did, for letting you out last time ! So be off with you ! ' And, turning away from them, he began digging frantically in the middle of a gravel-walk, sinoqno- over and over asfain.
^> O O
" ' Poor thing! he said, ''poor silly thing ! Ifs waiting to be fed ! '
but in a more musical tone than the shrill screech in which he had be^un.
o
US SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
The music grew fuller and richer at every moment : other manly voices joined in the refrain : and soon I heard the heavy thud that told me the boat had touched the beach, and the harsh grating of the shingle as the men dragged it up. I roused myself, and, after lending them a hand in hauling up their boat, I lingered yet awhile to watch them disembark a goodly assortment of the hard-won ' treasures of the deep/
When at last I reached our lodgings I was tired and sleepy, and glad enough to settle down again into the easy-chair, while Arthur hospitably went to his cupboard, to get me out some cake and wine, without which, he declared, he could not, as a doctor, permit my going to bed.
And how that cupboard- door did creak ! It surely could not be Arthur, who was opening and shutting it so often, moving so restlessly about, and muttering like the soliloquy of a tragedy-queen !
No, it was a female voice. Also the figure
half-hidden by the cupboard-door was a
female figure, massive, and in flowing robes.
ix] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 119
Could it be the landlady ? The door opened, and a strange man entered the room.
" What is that donkey doing ? ' he said to himself, pausing, aghast, on the threshold.
The lady, thus rudely referred to, was his wife. She had got one of the cupboards open, and stood with her back to him, smoothing
o
down a sheet of brown paper on one of the shelves, and whispering to herself " So, so ! Deftly done ! Craftily contrived ! '
Her loving husband stole behind her on tip- toe, and tapped her on the head. " Boh!" he playfully shouted at her ear. " Never tell me again I ca'n't say ' boh ' to a goose !
My Lady wrung her hands. " Discovered !' she groaned. "Yet no- -he is one of us! Reveal it not, oh Man ! Let it bide its time ! '
" Reveal what not ? ' her husband testily replied, dragging out the sheet of brown paper. "What are you hiding here, my Lady? I insist upon knowing ! '
My Lady cast down her eyes, and spoke in the littlest of little voices. " Don't make fun of it, Benjamin!' she pleaded. "L's- -it's- don't you understand? It's a DAGGER!'
120 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"And what's that for ? ' sneered His Excel- lency. " We've only got to make people think he's dead ! We haven't orot to kill him ! And
o
made of tin, too ! ' he snarled, contemptuously bending the blade round his thumb. Now, Madam, you'll be good enough to explain. First, what do you call me Benjamin for ? '
" It's part of the Conspiracy, Love ! One must have an alias, you know "
" Oh, an alias, is it? Well! And next, what did you get this dagger for ? Come, no evasions ! You ca'n't deceive me ! '
" I got it for for for the detected
Conspirator stammered, trying her best to put on the assassin-expression that she had been practising at the looking-glass. " For
" For what, Madam ! '
"Well, for eighteenpence, if you must know, dearest ! That's what I got it for, on my—
" Now dorit say your Word and Honour ! ' groaned the other Conspirator. " Why, they aren't worth half the money, put together ! '
" On my birthday" my Lady concluded in a meek whisper. " One must have a dagger, you know. It's part of the
ix] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 121
" Oh, don't talk of Conspiracies ! ' her hus- band savagely interrupted, as he tossed the dagger into the cupboard. " You know about as much how to manage a Conspiracy as if you were a chicken. Why, the first thing is to get a disguise. Now, just look at this ! '
And with pardonable pride he fitted on the cap and bells, and the rest of the Fool's dress, and winked at her, and put his tongue in his cheek. (( Is that the sort of thinsf, now ? ' he
O '
demanded.
My Lady's eyes flashed with all a Conspi- rator's enthusiasm. " The very thing ! ' she exclaimed, clapping her hands. "You do look, oh, such a perfect Fool ! '
The Fool smiled a doubtful smile. He was not quite clear whether it was a compliment or not, to express it so plainly. " You mean a Jester ? Yes, that's what I intended. And what do you think your disguise is to be ? ' And he proceeded to unfold the parcel, the lady watching him in rapture.
" Oh, how lovely ! ' she cried, when at last the dress was unfolded. " What a splendid disguise ! An Esquimaux peasant-woman ! '
122 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"An Esquimaux peasant, indeed!' growled the other. " Here, put it on, and look at your- self in the glass. Why, it's a Bear, ca'n't you use your eyes ?7 He checked himself suddenly, as a harsh voice yelled through the room
" He looked again, and found it was A Bear without a Head ! >:
But it was only the Gardener, singing under the open window. The Vice-Warden stole on tip-toe to the window, and closed it noiselessly, before he ventured to go on. "Yes, Lovey, a Bear : but not without a head, I hope ! You're the Bear, and me the Keeper. And if any one knows us, they'll have sharp eyes, that's all ! '
" I shall have to practise the steps a bit," my Lady said, looking out through the Bear's mouth : " one ca'n't help being rather human just at first, you know. And of course you'll say ' Come up, Bruin ! ', won't you ? '
" Yes, of course," replied the Keeper, laying hold of the chain, that hung from the Bear's collar, with one hand, while with the other he cracked a little whip. " Now go round the room in a sort of a dancing attitude, Very
IX]
A JESTER AND A BEAR.
123
good, my dear, very good. Come up. Bruin ! Come up, I say ! "
He roared out the last words for the benefit of Uggug, who had just come into the room, and was now standing, with his hands spread out, and eyes and mouth wide open, the very picture of stupid amazement. " Oh, my ! " was all he could gasp out.
124 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
The Keeper pretended to be adjusting the bear's collar, which gave him an opportunity of whispering, unheard by Uggug, " my fault, I'm afraid ! Quite forgot to fasten the door. Plot's ruined if he finds it out ! Keep it up a minute or two longer. Be savage ! ' Then, while seeming to pull it back with all his strength, he let it advance upon the scared boy : my Lady, with admirable presence of mind, kept up what she no doubt intended for a savage growl, though it was more like the purring of a cat : and Uggug backed out of the room with such haste that he tripped over the mat, and was heard to fall heavily outside- —an accident to which even his doting mother paid no heed, in the excitement of the moment.
The Vice-Warden shut and bolted the door. " Off with the disguises ! " he panted. " There's not a moment to lose. He's sure to fetch the Professor, and we couldn't take him in, you know ! ' And in another minute the disguises were stowed away in the cupboard, the door unbolted, and the two Conspirators seated lovingly side-by-side on the sofa, earnestly discussing a book the Vice-Warden had hastily
ix] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 125
snatched off the table, which proved to be the City-Directory of the capital of Outland.
The door opened, very slowly and cautiously, and the Professor peeped in, Uggug's stupid face being just visible behind him.
" It is a beautiful arrangement! " the Vice- Warden was saying with enthusiasm. " You see, my precious one, that there are fifteen houses in Green Street, before you turn into West Street."
"Fifteen houses! Is it possible? ' my Lady replied. "I thought it was fourteen!' And, so intent wrere they on this interesting question, that neither of them even looked up till the Professor, leading Uggug by the hand, stood close before them.
My Lady was the first to notice their ap- proach. " Why, here's the Professor ! ' she exclaimed in her blandest tones. " And my precious child too ! Are lessons over ? '
" A strange thing has happened ! ' the Pro- fessor began in a trembling tone. " His Exalted Fatness " (this was one of Uggug's many titles) "tells me he has just seen, in this very room, a Dancing-Bear and a Court-Jester ! '
126 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
The Vice-Warden and his wife shook with well-acted merriment.
" Not in this room, darling!" said the fond mother. " We've been sitting here this hour or more, reading- -," here she referred to the book lying on her lap, "- -reading the- the City-Directory."
" Let me feel your pulse, my boy ! " said the anxious father. u Now put out your tongue. Ah, I thought so ! He's a little feverish, Pro- fessor, and has had a bad dream. Put him to bed at once, and give him a cooling draught."
"I ain't been dreaming:!" his Exalted Fatness
o
remonstrated, as the Professor led him away.
" Bad grammar, Sir ! ' his father remarked with some sternness. " Kindly attend to that little matter, Professor, as soon as you have corrected the feverishness. And, by the way, Professor ! " (The Professor left his distin- guished pupil standing at the door, and meekly returned.) " There is a rumour afloat, that the
people wish to elect an in point of fact, an
you understand that I mean an —
" Not another Professor ! ' the poor old man exclaimed in horror.
ix] A JESTER AND A BEAR. 127
"No! Certainly not!' the Vice-W^arden eagerly explained. " Merely an Emperor, you understand."
"An Emperor /' cried the astonished Pro- fessor, holding his head between his hands, as if he expected it to come to pieces with the shock. "W7hat will the Warden "
" Why, the Warden will most likely be the new Emperor ! ' my Lady explained. " Where could we find a better ? Unless, perhaps- she glanced at her husband.
"Where indeed!' the Professor fervently responded, quite failing to take the hint.
The Vice-Warden resumed the thread of his discourse. " The reason I mentioned it, Pro- fessor, was to ask you to be so kind as to preside at the Election. You see it would
make the thing respectable no suspicion of
anything underhand-
"I fear I ca'n't, your Excellency!' the old man faltered. "What will the Warden-
" True, true ! ' the Vice- Warden interrupted. "Your position, as Court-Professor, makes it awkward, I admit. Well, well ! Then the Election shall be held without you."
128 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Better so, than if it were held within me ! " the Professor murmured with a bewildered air, as if he hardly knew what he was saying. "Bed, I think your Highness said, and a cool- ing-draught ? ' And he wandered dreamily back to where Uggug sulkily awaited him.
I followed them out of the room, and down the passage, the Professor murmuring to him- self, all the time, as a kind of aid to his feeble memory, " C, C, C ; Couch, Cooling-Draught, Correct-Grammar," till, in turning a corner, he met Sylvie and Bruno, so suddenly that the startled Professor let go of his fat pupil, who instantly took to his heels.
CHAPTER X.
THE OTHER PROFESSOR.
" WE were looking for you ! ' cried Sylvie, in a tone of great relief. " We do want you so much, you ca'n't think ! '
"What is it, dear children ?' the Professor asked, beaming on them with a very different look from what Uggug ever got from him.
"We want you to speak to the Gardener for us," Sylvie said, as she and Bruno took the old man's hands and led him into the hall.
" He's ever so unkind ! ' Bruno mournfully added. " They's all unkind to us, now that Father's gone. The Lion were vntch nicer ! '
K
130 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" But you must explain to me, please," the Professor said with an anxious look, " which is the Lion, and which is the Gardener. It's most important not to get two such animals confused together. And one's very liable to clo it in their case- -both having mouths,
»r>
you know-
" Doos oo always confuses two animals to- gether ? ' Bruno asked.
o
" Pretty often, I'm afraid," the Professor can- didly confessed. " Now, for instance, there's the rabbit-hutch and the hall-clock." The Pro- fessor pointed them out. "One gets a little confused with them- -both having doors, you know. Now, only yesterday- -would you be- lieve it ?- -I put some lettuces into the clock, and tried to wind up the rabbit ! '
" Did the rabbit go, after oo wounded it
<->
up ? ' said Bruno.
The Professor clasped his hands on the top of his head, and groaned. "Go? I should think itdfo/go! Why, it's gone / And where ever it's gone to- -that's what I cant find out ! I've done my best- -I've read all the article ' Rabbit ' in the great dictionary- -Come in ! '
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 131
"Only the tailor, Sir, with your little bill." said a meek voice outside the door.
" Ah, well, I can soon settle his business," the Professor said to the children, " if you'll just wait a minute. How much is it, this year, my man ? The tailor had come in while he was speaking.
"Well, it's been a doubling so many years, you see," the tailor replied, a little gruffly, '' and I think I'd like the money now. It's two thousand pound, it is ! '
" Oh, that's nothing ! ' the Professor care- lessly remarked, feeling in his pocket, as if he always carried at least that amount about with him. " But wouldn't you like to wait just another year, and make it four thousand ? Just think how rich you'd be ! Why, you might be a King, if you liked ! '
" I don't know as I'd care about being a King" the man said thoughtfully. " But it dew sound a powerful sight o' money ! Well, I think I'll wait "
" Of course you will ! ' said the Professor. " There's good sense in you, I see. Good-day to you, my man ! '
K 2
132 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Will you ever have to pay him that four thousand pounds ? ' Sylvie asked as the door closed on the departing creditor.
"Never, my child!' the Professor replied emphatically. " He'll go on doubling it, till he dies. You see it's always worth while waiting another year, to get twice as much money ! And now what would you like to do, my little friends ? Shall I take you to see the Other Professor ? This would be an ex- cellent opportunity for a visit," he said to him- self, glancing at his watch : " he generally takes a short rest- -of fourteen minutes and a half
-about this time."
Bruno hastily went round to Sylvie, who was standing at the other side of the Professor, and put his hand into hers. " I thinks we'd like to go," he said doubtfully : " only please let's go all together. It's best to be on the safe side, oo know !
" Why, you talk as if you were Sylvie ! ' exclaimed the Professor.
" I know I did," Bruno replied very humbly. " I quite forgotted I wasn't Sylvie. Only I fought he might be rarver fierce ! '
X] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 133
The Professor laughed a jolly laugh. " Oh, he's quite tame ! ' he said. " He never bites. He's only a little- -a little dreamy, you know." He took hold of Bruno's other hand, and led the children down a long passage I had never noticed before- -not that there was anything remarkable in that : I was constantly coming on new rooms and passages in that mysterious Palace, and very seldom succeeded in finding the old ones again.
Near the end of the passage the Professor stopped. " This is his room," he said, pointing to the solid wall.
"We ca'n't get in through there!' Bruno exclaimed.
Sylvie said nothing, till she had carefully examined whether the wall opened anywhere. Then she laughed merrily. "You're playing us a trick, you dear old thing ! ' she said. 14 There's no door here!'
" There isn't any door to the room," said the Professor. "We shall have to climb in at the window."
So we went into the garden, and soon found the window of the Other Professor's
134
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 135
room. It was a ground-floor window, and
o
stood invitingly open : the Professor first lifted the t\vo children in, and then he and I climbed in after them.
The Other Professor was seated at a table, with a large book open before him, on which his forehead was resting : he had clasped his arms round the book, and was snoring heavily. " He usually reads like that," the Professor remarked, "when the book's very interesting: and then sometimes it's very difficult to get him to attend ! '
This seemed to be one of the difficult times : the Professor lifted him up, once or twice, and shook him violently : but he always returned to his book the moment he was let Q-Q of, and
o
showed by his heavy breathing that the book was as interesting as ever.
" How dreamy he is ! ' the Professor ex- claimed. " He must have got to a very interesting part of the book ! ' And he rained quite a shower of thumps on the Other Pro- fessor's back, shouting " Hoy ! Hoy ! ' all the time. " Isn't it wonderful that he should be so dreamy ? he said to Bruno.
136 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
"If he's always as sleepy as that," Bruno remarked, "a course he's dreamy!'
" But what are we to do?1'' said the Pro- fessor. " You see he's quite wrapped up in the book ! '
" Suppose oo shuts the book ? ' Bruno sug- gested.
o
"That's it!' cried the delighted Professor. " Of course that'll do it ! ' And he shut up the book so quickly that he caught the Other Pro- fessor's nose between the leaves, and gave it a severe pinch.
The Other Professor instantly rose to his feet, and carried the book away to the end of the room, where he put it back in its place in the book-case. " I've been reading for eighteen hours and three-quarters," he said, "and now I shall rest for fourteen minutes and a half. Is the Lecture all ready?'
" Very nearly," the Professor humbly replied. " I shall ask you to give me a hint or two- there will be a few little difficulties-
" And a Banquet, I think you said ? "
"Oh, yes! The Banquet comes first, of course. People never enjoy Abstract Science,
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 137
you know, when they're ravenous with hunger. And then there's the Fancy-Dress-Ball. Oh, there'll be lots of entertainment ! '
" Where will the Ball come in ? ; said the Other Professor.
" I think it had better come at the beginning of the Banquet- -it brings people together so nicely, you know."
" Yes, that's the riorht order. First the Meet-
' o
ing : then the Eating : then the Treating- -for I'm sure any Lecture you give us will be a treat ! ' said the Other Professor, who had been standing with his back to us all this time, occupying himself in taking the books out, one by one, and turning them upside-down. An easel, with a black board on it, stood near him : and, every time that he turned a book upside-down, he made a mark on the board with a piece of chalk.
"And as to the 'Pig-Tale' which you have so kindly promised to give us- the Professor went on, thoughtfully rubbing his chin. " I think that had better come at the end of the Banquet : then people can listen to it quietly."
138 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Shall I sing it? ' the Other Professor asked, with a smile of delight.
o
" If you can" the Professor replied, cautiously.
" Let me try," said the Other Professor, seating himself at the pianoforte. " For the sake of argument, let us assume that it begins on A flat." And he struck the note in question. " La, la, la ! I think that's within an octave of it." He struck the note again, and appealed to Bruno, who was standing at his side. " Did I sing it like that, my child ? '
" No, oo didn't/' Bruno replied with great decision. " It were more like a duck."
"' Single notes are apt to have that effect," the Other Professor said with a si^h. " Let
o
me try a whole verse.
There was a Pig, that sat alone,
Beside a ruined Pump. By day and night he made his moan : It would have stirred a heart of stone To see him wring his hoofs and groan,
Because he could not jump.
Would you call that a tune, Professor ? he asked, when he had finished.
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 139
The Professor considered a little. "Well,'' he said at last, "some of the notes are the same as others- -and some are different- but I should hardly call it a tune"
" Let me try it a bit by myself," said the Other Professor. And he began touching the notes here and there, and humming to himself like an angry bluebottle.
" How do you like his singing ? ' the Pro- fessor asked the children in a low voice.
"It isn't very beautiful" Sylvie said, hesitatingly.
" It's very extremely ugly ! ' Bruno said, without any hesitation at all.
" All extremes are bad," the Professor said, very gravely. "For instance, Sobriety is a very good thing, when practised in moderation : but even Sobriety, when carried to an extreme, has its disadvantages.'
o
" What are its disadvantages ? ' was the
o
question that rose in my mind- -and, as usual, Bruno asked it for me. "What are its lizard bandages ?
" Well, this is one of them," said the Pro- fessor. "When a man's tipsy (that's one ex-
I4o SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
treme, you know), he sees one thing as two. But, when he's extremely sober (that's the other extreme), he sees two things as one. It's equally inconvenient, whichever happens.''
" What does ' illconvenient ' mean?' Bruno whispered to Sylvie.
" The difference between ' convenient ' and ' inconvenient ' is best explained by an ex- ample," said the Other Professor, who had overheard the question. "If you'll just think over any Poem that contains the two words- such as-
The Professor put his hands over his ears, with a look of dismay. " If you once let him begin a Poem'' he said to Sylvie, " he'll never leave off again ! He never does ! '
" Did he ever begin a Poem and not leave off again ? ' Sylvie enquired.
"Three times," said the Professor.
Bruno raised himself on tiptoe, till his lips were on a level with Sylvie's ear. "What became of them three Poems ? ' he whispered. " Is he saying them all, now ?'
" Hush ! " said Sylvie. " The Other Professor is speaking ! '
x] THE OTHER PROFESSOR. 141
"I'll say it very quick," murmured the Other Professor, with downcast eyes, and melancholy voice, which contrasted oddly with his face, as he had forgotten to leave off smiling. ("At least it wasn't exactly a smile'' as Sylvie said afterwards : "it looked as if his mouth was made that shape.")
" Go on then," said the Professor. " What must be must be"
" Remember that ! ! Sylvie whispered to Bruno, "It's a very good rule for whenever you hurt yourself."
" And it's a very good rule for whenever I make a noise," said the saucy little fellow. " So you remember it too, Miss ! '
" Whatever do you mean ? said Sylvie, trying to frown, a thing she never managed particularly well.
" Oftens and oftens," said Bruno, " haven't oo told me * There mustn't be so much noise, Bruno!' when I've tolded oo 'There must!' Why, there isn't no rules at all about ' There mustn't ' ! But oo never believes me ! '
"As if any one could believe yoii, you wicked wicked boy ! ' said Sylvie. The words were
142 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
severe enough, but I am of opinion that, when you are really anxious to impress a criminal with a sense of his guilt, you ought not to pro- nounce the sentence with your lips quite close to his cheek — since a kiss at the end of it, how- ever accidental, weakens the effect terribly.
CHAPTER XL
PETER AND PAUL.
4iAs I was saying," the Other Professor re- sumed, "if you'll just think over any Poem, that contains the words- -such as
' Peter is poor I said noble Paul,
' And I have always been Ids friend : And, though my means to give are small,
At least I can afford to lend. How feiu, in this cold age of greed,
Do good, except on selfish grounds ! But I can feel for Peter s need,
And I WILL LEND HIM FIFTY POUNDS!'
How great zvas Peter s joy to find His friend in such a genial vein !
144
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
How cJieerfully the bond he signed, To pay the money back again !
c We can't' said Paul, ' be too precise : ' Tis best to fix tlie very day :
So, by a learned friend' s advice,
I've made it Noon, tJie Fourth of May'
xi] PETER AND PAUL. 145
' But this is April ! ' Peter said.
' The First of April, as I think. Five little zveeks will soon be fled :
One scarcely will have time to wink ! Give vie a year to speculate —
To buy and sell — to drive a trade- Said Paul ' / cannot change the date.
On May the Fourth it must be paid!
f Well, well ! ' said Peter, with a sigh.
( Hand me the cash, and I will go. P II form a Joint- Stock Company,
And turn an honest pound or so! ' I'm grieved! said Paul, 'to seem unkind:
The money shall of course be lent : But, for a week or two, I find
It will not be convenient!
So, week by week, poor Peter came
And turned in heaviness away ; For still the answer was the same,
' I cannot manage it to-day! And now the April showers were dry —
The five short weeks were nearly spent- Yet still he got the old reply,
' It is not quite convenient ! '
L
146 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
The FonrtJi arrived, and punctual Paul
Came, with his legal friend, at noon. ' / thought it best,' said he, ( to call :
One cannot settle things too soon' Poor Peter shuddered in despair :
His flowing locks he wildly tore : A nd very soon his yellow hair
Was lying all about the floor.
The legal friend was standing by,
With sudden pity half unmanned : The tear-drop trembled in his eye,
The signed agreement in his hand : But when at lengtJi tJie legal soul
Resumed its customary force, ' TJie Law! Jie said, ' we cdiit control :
Pay, or the Law must take its course / '
Said Paul ' How bitterly I rue
That fatal morning when I called ! Consider, Peter, what y oil do !
You wont be richer when you're bald ! Think you, by rending curls away,
To make your difficulties less ? Forbear this violence, I pray :
You do but add to my distress ! '
XI]
PETER AND PAUL.
147
willingly would I inflict I
Said Peter, ' ^?w ///«/ «^/< One needless pang. Yet why so strict ?
Is this to act a friendly part ? However legal it may be
To pay what never lias been lent,
L 2
148 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
This style of business seems to me Extremely inconvenient !
1 No Nobleness of soul have I,
Like some tJiat in this Age are found ! ' (Paul blushed in sheer humility,
And cast his eyes upon the ground.} ' This debt will simply swallow all,
A nd make my life a life of woe ! ' ( Nay, nay, my Peter ! ' answered Paul.
' You must not rail on Fortune so !
( You have enough to eat and drink : You are respected in tJie world :
And at the barber's, as I think.
You often get your whiskers curled.
ThougJi Nobleness you can't attain- To any very great extent —
The path of Honesty is plain, However inconvenient ! '
' ' Tis true,' said Peter, ' I'm alive : I keep my station in the world :
Once in the week I just contrive
To get my whiskers oiled and curled.
XI] PETER AND PAUL. 149
But my assets are very low :
My little income s overspent : To trench on capital, you know,
Is always inconvenient ! '
1 But pay your debts ! ' cried honest Paul.
' My gentle Peter, pay your debts ! What matter if it swallows all
That you describe as your "assets " ? Already you 're an hour behind :
Yet Generosity is best. It pinches me — but nevermind !
I WILL NOT CPIARGE YOU INTEREST!'
' Hoiv good ! How great ! ' poor Peter cried.
' Yet I must sell my Sunday wig — The scarf-pin that has been my pride —
My grand piano — and my pig ! ' Full soon his property took wings :
And daily ', as each treasure went, He sighed to find the state of tilings
Grow less and less convenient.
Weeks grew to months, and montJis to years : Peter was worn to skin and bone :
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
A nd once he even said, with tears,
'Remember, Paul, that promised Loan I '
Said Paid ' I'll lend yon, when I can, A II the spare money I have got —
Ah, Peter, you re a happy man ! Yours is an enviable lot !
xi] PETER AND PAUL. 151
' I'm getting stout, as you may see :
It is but seldom I am well : I cannot feel my ancient glee
In listening to the dinner-bell : But you, you gambol like a boy,
Your figure is so spare and light : The dinner-bell 's a note of joy
To such a healthy appetite ! '
Said Peter ' I am well aware
Mine is a state of happiness : And yet how gladly could I spare
Some of the comforts I possess ! What you call healthy appetite
I feel as Hunger's savage tooth : And, when no dinner is in sight,
The dinner-belfs a sound of ruth !
' No scare-crow would accept this coat ;
Such boots as these you seldom see. Ah, Paul, a single five-pound-note
Would make another man of me ! ' Said Paul ' It fills me with surprise
To hear you talk in such a tone : I fear you scarcely realise
The blessings that are all your oivn !
152 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
' You're safe from being overfed :
You're sweetly picturesque in rags : You never know the aching head
That comes along with money-bags : And you have time to cultivate
That best of qualities, Content — For which you'll find your present state
Remarkably convenient ! '
Said Peter ' Though I cannot sound
The depths of sucJi a man as you. Yet in your character I've found
An inconsistency or two. You seem to Jiave long years to spare
When there's a promise to fulfil: And yet how punctual you were
In calling with that little bill ! '
' One can t be too deliberate',
Said Paul, ' in parting with ones pelf. With bills, as you correctly state,
P m punctuality itself. A man may surely claim his dices :
But, when there s money to be lent, A man must be allowed to choose
Such times as are convenient ! '
xi] PETER AND PAUL. 153
It chanced one day, as Peter sat
Gnawing a crust — his usual meal- Paul bustled in to have a chat,
And grasped his hand with friendly zeal. ' / knew', said he, ' your frugal ways :
So, that I might not wound your pride By bringing strangers in to gaze,
I've left my legal friend outside !
' You well remember, I am sure,
When first your wealth began to go, And people sneered at one so poor,
I never used my Peter so ! And when you'd lost your little all,
And found yourself a tiling despised, I need not ask you to recall
How tenderly I sympathised !
' Then the advice I've poured on you,
So full of vvisdom and of wit : All given gratis, though 'tis true
I might have fairly charged for it ! But I refrain from mentioning
Full many a deed I might relate — For boasting is a kind of thing
That I particularly hate.
154
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
' How vast tJie total sum appears Of all the kindnesses I've done,
From Childhood's half-forgotten years Down to tJiat Loan of April One !
That Fifty Pounds ! You little guessed How deep it drained my slender store :
xi] PETER AND PAUL. 155
But there's a heart within this breast,
A nd I WILL LEND YOU FIFTY MORE ! '
' Not sol was Peter's mild reply,
His cheeks all ivet with grateful tears ; ' No man recalls, so ivell as /,
Your services in bygone years : And this new offer, I admit,
Is very very kindly meant- Still, to avail myself of it
Would not be quite convenient ! '
You'll see in a moment what the difference is between ' convenient ' and ' inconvenient.' You quite understand it now, don't you ? ' he added, looking kindly at Bruno, who was sit- ting, at Sylvie's side, on the floor.
"Yes," said Bruno, very quietly. Such a short speech was very unusual, for him : but just then he seemed, I fancied, a little ex- hausted. In fact, he climbed up into Sylvie's lap as he spoke, and rested his head against her shoulder. "What a many verses it was ! ' he whispered.
CHAPTER XII.
A MUSICAL GARDENER.
THE Other Professor regarded him with some
o
anxiety. "The smaller animal ought to go to bed at once" he said with an air of authority.
" Why at once ? " said the Professor.
" Because he can't Q-Q at twice." said the
O '
Other Professor.
The Professor gently clapped his hands.
'Isn't he wonderful!' he said to Sylvie.
" Nobody else could have thought of the reason, so quick. Why, of course he ca'n't
go at twice ! It would hurt him to be divided.'
xii] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 157
This remark woke up Bruno, suddenly and completely. " I don't want to be divided" he said decisively.
"It does very well on a diagram" said the Other Professor. " I could show it you in a minute, only the chalk's a little blunt."
"Take care!' Sylvie anxiously exclaimed, as he began, rather clumsily, to point it. " You'll cut your ringer off, if you hold the knife so ! '
"If oo cuts it off, will oo give it to me, please ? ' Bruno thoughtfully added.
" It's like this/' said the Other Professor, hastily drawing a long line upon the black board, and marking the letters ' A' ' B] at the two ends, and '£" in the middle: "let me explain it to you. If AB were to be divided into two parts at C
" It would be drownded," Bruno pronounced confidently.
The Other Professor gasped. " What would be drownded ? ?
" Why the bumble-bee, of course ! ' said Bruno. " And the two bits would sink down in the sea ! '
158 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
Here the Professor interfered, as the Other Professor was evidently too much puzzled to go on with his diagram.
"When I said it would hurt him, I was merely referring to the action of the nerves "
o
The Other Professor brightened up in a moment. " The action of the nerves," he began eagerly, " is curiously slow in some people. I had a friend, once, that, if you burnt him with a red-hot poker, it would take years and years before he felt it ! '
" And if you only pinched him ? ' queried Sylvie.
" Then it would take ever so much longer, of course. In fact, I doubt if the man himself would ever feel it, at all. His grandchildren might."
" I wouldn't like to be the grandchild of a pinched grandfather, would you, Mister Sir ? ' Bruno whispered. " It might come just when you wanted to be happy ! '
That would be awkward, I admitted, taking it quite as a matter of course that he had so suddenly caught sight of me. " But don't you always want to be happy, Bruno ? '
xn] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 159
" Not always" Bruno said thoughtfully. " Sometimes, when I's too happy, I wants to be a little miserable. Then I just tell Sylvie about it, oo know, and Sylvie sets me some lessons. Then it's all right."
" I'm sorry you don't like lessons," I said. " You should copy Sylvie. She s always as busy as the day is long ! '
"Well, so am //' said Bruno.
" No, no ! ' Sylvie corrected him. " Yorire as busy as the day is short / '
" Well, what's the difference ?" Bruno asked. " Mister Sir, isn't the day as short as it's long ? I mean, isn't it the same length ? '
Never having considered the question in this light, I suggested that they had better ask the Professor ; and they ran off in a moment to appeal to their old friend. The Professor left off polishing his spectacles to consider. " My dears," he said after a minute, " the day is the same length as anything that is the same length as it" And he resumed his never- ending task of polishing.
The children returned, slowly and thought- fully, to report his answer. " fsn't he wise ?'
160 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
Sylvie asked in an awestruck whisper. " If / was as wise as that, I should have a head-ache all day long. I know I should ! '
" You appear to be talking to somebody- that isn't here," the Professor said, turning round to the children. " Who is it ? '
Bruno looked puzzled. " I never talks to nobody when he isn't here!' he replied. "It isn't good manners. Oo should always wait till he comes, before oo talks to him ! '
The Professor looked anxiously in my direc- tion, and seemed to look through and through me without seeing me. " Then who are you talking to ? ; he said. " There isn't anybody here, you know, except the Other Professor
and he isn't here ! ' he added wildly,
turning round and round like a teetotum. "Children! Help to look for him! Quick! He's got lost again !'
The children were on their feet in a moment.
" Where shall we look ? " said Sylvie.
" Anywhere ! " shouted the excited Professor. " Only be quick about it ! ' And he began trotting round and round the room, lifting up the chairs, and shaking them.
xii] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 161
Bruno took a very small book out of the bookcase, opened it, and shook it in imitation of the Professor. " He isn't here'' he said.
"He cant be there, Bruno ! ' Sylvie said indignantly.
" Course he ca'n't ! " said Bruno. " I should have shooked him out, if he'd been in there ! '
"Has he ever been lost before?' Sylvie enquired, turning up a corner of the hearth-rug, and peeping under it.
" Once before," said the Professor : " he once lost himself in a wood "
" And couldn't he find his-self again ? ' said Bruno. " Why didn't he shout ? He'd be sure to hear his-self, 'cause he couldn't be far off, oo know."
" Let's try shouting," said the Professor.
" What shall we shout ? ' said Sylvie.
" On second thoughts, dorit shout," the Professor replied. " The Vice-Warden might hear you. He's getting awfully strict ! '
This reminded the poor children of all the troubles, about which they had come to their old friend. Bruno sat down on the floor and began crying. "He is so cruel !; he
M
162 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
sobbed. " And he lets Uggug take away all my toys ! And such horrid meals ! '
" What did you have for dinner to-day ? " said the Professor.
" A little piece of a dead crow," was Bruno's mournful reply.
" He means rook-pie," Sylvie explained.
" It were a dead crow," Bruno persisted. " And there were a apple-pudding and Ug- gug ate it all and I got nuffin but a crust !
And I asked for a orange and- -didn't
get it!" And the poor little fellow buried his face in Sylvie's lap, who kept gently stroking his hair, as she went on. " It's all true, Professor dear ! They do treat my darling Bruno very badly ! And they're not kind to me either," she added in a lower tone, as if that were a thing of much less importance.
The Professor got out a large red silk hand- kerchief, and wiped his eyes. " I wish I could help you, dear children ! ' he said. " But what can I do ? '
" We know the way to Fairyland where
Father's gone quite well," said Sylvie : " if
only the Gardener would let us out."
xn] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 163
" Won't he open the door for you ? ' said the Professor.
" Not for us" said Sylvie : "but I'm sure he would for you. Do come and ask him, Pro- fessor dear ! '
" I'll come this minute ! ' said the Professor.
Bruno sat up and dried his eyes. " Isrit he kind, Mister Sir?"
" He is indeed" said I. But the Professor took no notice of my remark. He had put on a beautiful cap with a long tassel, and was selecting one of the Other Professor's walking- sticks, from a stand in the corner of the room. " A thick stick in one's hand makes people re- spectful," he was saying to himself. " Come along, dear children!' And we all went out into the garden together.
" I shall address him, first of all," the Professor explained as we went along, " with a few playful remarks on the weather. I shall then question him about the Other Professor. This will have a double advantage. First, it will open the conversation (you can't even drink a bottle of wine without opening it first) : and secondly, if he's seen the Other Professor,
M 2
1 64 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
we shall find him that way : and, if he hasn't, we sha'n't."
On our way, we passed the target, at which Uggug had been made to shoot during the Ambassador's visit.
" See ! ' said the Professor, pointing out a hole in the middle of the bull's-eye. " His Imperial Fatness had only one shot at it ; and he went in just here T
Bruno carefully examined the hole. " Couldn't go in there" he whispered to me. "He are too fat / "
We had no sort of difficulty in finding the Gardener. Though he was hidden from us by some trees, that harsh voice of his served to direct us ; and, as we drew nearer, the words of his song became more and more plainly audible :-
" He thought lie saw an Albatross That fluttered round the lamp : He looked again, and found it was
A Penny-Postage- Stamp. ' You'd best be getting home,' he said : ' The nights are very damp ! '
XII]
A MUSICAL GARDENER.
165
" Would it be afraid of catching cold ? " said Bruno.
" If it got very damp/' Sylvie suggested, " it might stick to something, you know."
" And that somefin would have to go by the post, whatever it was !" Bruno eagerly ex- claimed. " Suppose it was a cow ! Wouldn't it be dreadful for the other things ! '
"And all these things happened to him" said the Professor. " That's what makes the
so interesting.
o
" He must have had a very curious life," said Sylvie.
" You may say that ! ' the Professor heartily rejoined.
1 66 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Of course she may ! ' cried Bruno.
By this time we had come up to the Gardener, who was standing on one leg, as usual, and busily employed in watering a bed of flowers with an empty watering-can.
" It hasn't got no water in it ! ' Bruno explained to him, pulling his sleeve to attract his attention.
" It's lighter to hold," said the Gardener. "A lot of water in it makes one's arms ache." And he went on with his work, singing softly to himself
" The nights are very damp /'
11 In digging things out of the ground- which you probably do now and then," the Professor began in a loud voice ; " in making
things into heaps which no doubt you often
do ; and in kicking things about with one
heel which you seem never to leave off doing;
have you ever happened to notice another Pro- fessor, something like me, but different ? '
"Never!' shouted the Gardener, so loudly and violently that we all drew back in alarm. " There ain't such a thing ! '
xii] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 167
"We will try a less exciting topic," the Professor mildly remarked to the children. " You were asking "
"We asked him to let us through the gar- den-door," said Sylvie : " but he wouldn't : but perhaps he would for yoii ! '
The Professor put the request, very humbly and courteously.
" I wouldn't mind letting you out," said the Gardener. " But I mustn't open the door for children. D'you think I'd disobey the Rides? Not for one-and-sixpence ! '
The Professor cautiously produced a couple of shillings.
" That'll do it ! ' the Gardener shouted, as he hurled the watering-can across the flower- bed, and produced a handful of keys one
large one, and a number of small ones.
" But look here, Professor dear ! ' whispered Sylvie. "He needn't open the door for us, at all. We can go out with you"
"True, dear child !' the Professor thankfully replied, as he replaced the coins in his pocket. " That saves two shillings ! ' And he took the children's hands, that they might all go out
i68 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
together when the door was opened. This, however, did not seem a very likely event, though the Gardener patiently tried all the small keys, over and over again.
At last the Professor ventured on a gentle suggestion. " Why not try the large one ? I have often observed that a door unlocks much more nicely with its own key."
The very first trial of the large key proved a success : the Gardener opened the door, and held out his hand for the money.
The Professor shook his head. "You are acting by Rule" he explained, " in opening the door for me. And now it's open, we are going out by Rule the Rule of Three"
The Gardener looked puzzled, and let us go out ; but, as he locked the door behind us, we heard him singing thoughtfully to himself
He thought lie saw a Garden-Door TJiat opened with a key :
He looked again, and found it was A Double Ride of Three :
' A nd all its mystery] he said, ( Is clear as day to me ! '
xn] A MUSICAL GARDENER. 169
" I shall now return," said the Professor, when we had walked a few yards : " you see, it's impossible to read kere> for all my books are in the house."
But the children still kept fast hold of his hands. " Do come with us ! ' Sylvie entreated with tears in her eyes.
" Well, well ! ' said the good-natured old man. " Perhaps I'll come after you, some day soon. But I must go back now. You see I left off at a comma, and it's so awkward not knowing how the sentence finishes ! Besides, you've got to go through Dogland first, and I'm always a little nervous about dogs. But it'll be quite easy to come, as soon as I've
completed my new invention for carrying
one's-setf, you know. It wants just a little more working out."
" Won't that be very tiring, to carry your- self?' Sylvie enquired.
" Well, no, my child. You see, whatever fatigue one incurs by carrying, one saves by being carried! Good-bye, dears! Good-bye, Sir ! ' he added to my intense surprise, giving my hand an affectionate squeeze.
1 70 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
" Good-bye, Professor ! ' I replied : but my voice sounded strange and far away, and the children took not the slightest notice of our farewell. Evidently they neither saw me nor heard me, as, with their arms lovingly twined round each other, they marched boldly on.
CHAPTER XIII.
A VISIT TO DOGLAND.
" THERE'S a house, away there to the left," said Sylvie, after we had walked what seemed to me about fifty miles. " Let's go and ask for a night's lodging."
" It looks a very comfable house," Bruno said, as we turned into the road leading up to it. "I doos hope the Dogs will be kind to us, I is so tired and hungry ! '
A Mastiff, dressed in a scarlet collar, and carrying a musket, was pacing up and down, like a sentinel, in front of the entrance. He started, on catching sight of the children, and
172
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
came forwards to meet them, keeping his musket pointed straight at Bruno, who stood quite still, though he turned pale and kept tight hold of Sylvie's hand, while the Sentinel walked solemnly round and round them, and looked at them from all points of view.
" Oobooh, hooh boohooyah!' He growled at last. " Woobah yahwah oobooh ! Bow wahbah woobooyah ? Bow wow ? ' he asked Bruno, severely.
xni] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 173
Of course Brimo understood all this, easily
enough. All Fairies understand Doggee
that is, Dog-language. But, as you may find it a little difficult, just at first, I had better put it into English for you. " Humans, I verily be- lieve ! A couple of stray Humans ! What Dog do you belong to ? What do you want ? '
" We don't belong to a Dog ! ' Bruno began, in Doggee. (" Peoples never belongs to Dogs ! ' he whispered to Sylvie.)
But Sylvie hastily checked him, for fear of hurting the Mastiff's feelings. " Please, we
want a little food, and a night's lodging if
there's room in the house," she added timidly. Sylvie spoke Doggee very prettily : but I think it's almost better, for you, to give the conversa- tion in English.
"The house, indeed!' growled the Sentinel. " Have you never seen a Palace in your life ? Come along with me ! His Majesty must settle what's to be done with you."
They followed him through the entrance-hall, down a long passage, and into a magnificent Saloon, around which were grouped dogs of all sorts and sizes. Two splendid Blood-hounds
174 SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
were solemnly sitting up, one on each side of
the crown-bearer. Two or three Bull-dogs
whom I guessed to be the Body- Guard of the King — -were waiting in grim silence : in fact the only voices at all plainly audible were those of two little dogs, who had mounted a settee, and were holding a lively discussion that looked very like a quarrel.
" Lords and Ladies in Waiting, and various Court Officials," our guide gruffly remarked, as he led us in. Of me the Courtiers took no notice whatever : but Sylvie and Bruno were the subject of many inquisitive looks, and many whispered remarks, of which I only distinctly
caught one made by a sly-looking Dachshund
to his friend " Bah wooh wahyah hoobah
Oobooh, hah bah?' (" She's not such a bad- looking Human, is she ? ")
Leaving the new arrivals in the centre of the Saloon, the Sentinel advanced to a door? at the further end of it, which bore an in- scription, painted on it in Doggee, " Royal Kennel Scratch and Yell."
Before doing this, the Sentinel turned to the children, and said " Give me your names."
XHI] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 175
" We'd rather not ! ' Bruno exclaimed, pulling Sylvie away from the door. " We want them ourselves. Come back, Sylvie ! Come quick ! '
"Nonsense!' said Sylvie very decidedly: and gave their names in Doggee.
Then the Sentinel scratched violently at the door, and gave a yell that made Bruno shiver from head to foot.
11 Hooyah wah ! ' said a deep voice inside. (That's Doggee for " Come in ! ")
" It's the King himself!" the Mastiff whispered in an awestruck tone. " Take off your wigs, and lay them humbly at his paws." (What we should call " at his feet")
Sylvie was just going to explain, very politely, that really they couldiit perform that ceremony, because their wigs wouldn't come off, when the door of the Royal Kennel opened, and an enormous Newfoundland Dog put his head out. " Bow wow ? " was his first question.
"When His Majesty speaks to you," the Sentinel hastily whispered to Bruno, " you should prick up your ears ! '
Bruno looked doubtfully at Sylvie. "I'd rather not, please," he said. " It would hurt."
SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
xin] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 177
"It doesn't hurt a bit ! ' the Sentinel said with some indignation. " Look ! It's like this !" And he pricked up his ears like two railway signals,
Sylvie gently explained matters. " I'm afraid we ca'n't manage it," she said in a low voice. " I'm very sorry : but our ears haven't got the
right " she wanted to say " machinery' in
Doggee : but she had forgotten the word, and could only think of " steam-engine."
The Sentinel repeated Sylvie's explanation to the King.
" Can't prick up their ears without a steam- engine ! ' His Majesty exclaimed. " They must be curious creatures ! I must have a look at them ! ' And he came out of his Kennel, and walked solemnly up to the children.
What was the amazement not to say the
horror of the whole assembly, when Sylvie
actually patted His Majesty on the head, while Bruno seized his long ears and pretended to tie them together under his chin !
The Sentinel groaned aloud : a beautiful
Greyhound who appeared to be one of the
Ladies in Waiting fainted away : and all the
N
j;S SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
other Courtiers hastily drew back, and left plenty of room for the huge Newfoundland to spring upon the audacious strangers, and tear them limb from limb.
Only- -he didn't. On the contrary his
Majesty actually smiled so far as a Dog can
smile and (the other Dogs couldn't believe
their eyes, but it was true, all the same) his Majesty wagged his tail !
" Yah ! Hooh hahwooh ! " (that is « Well ! I never ! ") was the universal cry.
His Majesty looked round him severely, and gave a slight growl, which produced instant silence. " Conduct my friends to the banquet- ing-hall ! ' he said, laying such an emphasis on "my friends' that several of the dogs rolled over helplessly on their backs and began to lick Bruno's feet.
A procession was formed, but I only ven- tured to follow as far as the door of the ban- queting-hall, so furious was the uproar of bark- ing dogs within. So I sat down by the King, who seemed to have gone to sleep, and waited till the children returned to say good-night, when His Majesty got up and shook himself.
xin] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 179
" Time for bed ! ' he said with a sleepy yawn. " The attendants will show you your room," he added, aside, to Sylvie and Bruno. " Bring lights ! ' And, with a dignified air, he held out his paw for them to kiss.
But the children were evidently not well practised in Court-manners. Sylvie simply stroked the great paw : Bruno hugged it : the Master of the Ceremonies looked shocked.
All this time Dog-waiters, in splendid livery, were running up with lighted candles : but, as fast as they put them upon the table, other waiters ran away with them, so that there never seemed to be one for me, though the Master kept nudging me with his elbow, and repeating " I ca'n't let you sleep here ! You're not in bed, you know ! '
I made a great effort, and just succeeded in getting out the words " I know I'm not. I'm in an arm-chair."
II Well, forty winks will do you no harm," the Master said, and left me. I could scarcely hear his words : and no wonder : he was leaning over the side of a ship, that was miles away from the pier on which I stood. The ship
N 2
i8o SYLVIE AND BRUNO.
passed over the horizon, and I sank back into the arm-chair.
The next thing I remember is that it was morning : breakfast was just over : Sylvie was lifting Bruno down from a high chair, and say- ing to a Spaniel, who was regarding them with a most benevolent smile, "Yes, thank you, we've had a very nice breakfast. Haven't we, Bruno?"
" There was too many bones in the
Bruno began, but Sylvie frowned at him, and laid her finger on her lips, for, at this moment, the travelers were waited on by a very dig- nified officer, the Head-Growler, whose duty it was, first to conduct them to the King to bid him farewell, and then to escort them to the boundary of Dogland. The great Newfound- land received them most affably, but, instead of saying "good-bye," he startled the Head- Growler into giving three savage growls, by announcing that he would escort them himself.
"It is a most unusual proceeding, your Majesty ! " the Head-Growler exclaimed, almost choking with vexation at being set aside, for he had put on his best Court-suit, made entirely of cat-skins, for the occasion.
xin] A VISIT TO DOGLAND. 181
" I shall escort them myself," his Majesty repeated, gently but firmly, laying aside the Royal robes, and changing his crown for a small coronet, " and you may stay at home."
" I are glad ! ' Bruno whispered to Sylvie, when they had got well out of hearing. " He were so welly cross ! : And he not only patte